Dating a Man Who is a Dreamer

Scientists tell us that one of the most important ways the human mind makes sense of the world around it is by organizing everything into types – like plants, animals, men, women and so on. Sometimes though the characteristics of each type are exaggerated to the extent that they end up as stereotypes. One such classification in the modern world of dating is that of the dreamer, which is seen in various expressions of pop culture including the 2008 movie, Think Like A Man and more frequently in sitcoms like House of Payne. While in real life a man may not exhibit all the traits of the stereotypical version, here are a few tips on dating a man who is a dreamer.

First the good bit

If a dreamer is only a polite way of describing a guy who is in reality, a loser, why would so many end up dating him. Fact is the dreamer type brings to the dating table certain qualities that are highly comforting to women. Foremost among these is the capacity for emotional support. Since the dreamer is unconcerned about climbing corporate ladders and striking multi-million dollar deals, he can be there for his partner more often than the ambitious go-getter. In fact most dreamers make for highly fulfilling emotional relationships - they are not only in touch with their deeper selves but have the ability to tune into other’s emotions as well. Your dreamer of a boyfriend will be more likely than others to perceive when you are anxious or upset and then able to draw out the reasons from you. At the same time, when you are happy about a promotion or a new hairdo, you can expect your man not only to notice it but make your day with some nice compliments. While this ability to be emotionally responsive is crucial for any meaningful relationship, it is especially rare to come across it in a man and thus one to be cherished whole-heartedly.

Then again dreamers are known to be highly creative people – this is because most artistic and creative pursuits require a measure of contemplation and imagination – traits which dreamers are gifted with. The best part about dating such a guy is that you are likely to be wooed and courted in a highly individualistic manner. If you partner has excellent culinary skills, he just might whip up a special dessert for your birthday. On the other hand if he is a singer, you may be lucky to have a song written, set to music and sung just for you amidst a hundred people. Dreamers are spontaneous, non-judgmental and best
of all have a unique way of showing their love which makes their partners feel so very special.

Now for the bad news

However if you are the kind of girl who likes being taken out to fancy restaurants and showered with expensive gifts on every date, a dreamer may not be the right choice of a partner. Most of these guys are content to plan a better way of doing things or imagine a unique expression of art but can rarely get down to really materializing their intentions – the unkind term for this would be pipe dreams. For the same reason, a dreamer boyfriend is least likely to hold a steady job or get involved in the drudgery of earning money – he may call it selling his soul but wiser heads would put it as merely shirking. As such your boyfriend may never have enough money to splurge on you or plan a future together. Even dreamers who have somehow become established artists and performers are notorious for their cavalier attitude towards money - while they may lavish an extravagant present on you today, they may have to overdraw from their bank account the next week. In fact most creative people who continue to be dreamers are not very cued into saving and financial planning and this can be a dampener if you like to live the good life or at least expect some kind of financial stability from your partner.

Then again dreamers can be exceedingly moody. Such people may be given to episodes of melancholia or even depression and during these times, they may be extremely difficult to put up with. So if your dreamer of a boyfriend has been hurt by a person or experience, he is likely to remove himself from his immediate surroundings and take refuge in solitude, artistic pursuits or go on a break by himself. Such lonely, moody people are more at risk of developing addictions and engaging in substance abuse since they cannot cope with the realities of life. This is not to say that all dreamers tend to be escapists, but among the best of them too, an idealistic bent often makes the harsh realities of this world extremely painful to bear. So if you are serious about a relationship with a dreamer, you need to understand that they may occasionally withdraw from the daily world and even shut you out.

As if the moodiness and financial instability of dreamers was not enough, they are rarely good for practical jobs even. So if you are thinking of moving in with your dreamer partner, be prepared to take on more than your share of domestic chores for a smoothly running household. Even those who are creative professionals will usually work in a frenzy when their imaginative juices are flowing so much so that they lose all notion of time. They may skip meals, abandon appointments and leave chores undone when they are in the midst of composing music or painting a landscape. Thus all kinds of financial planning, grocery shopping and taking care of the children may be your lot which in turn could leave you stressed out and angry. This is not to say that sharing a home with a dreamer is impossible but just that you have to be open to adjustments and be more flexible in nature.

Finally it is worthwhile to keep in mind that not only there are individual variations to every type, but even a single type may have two different manifestations. There is the kind of dreamer who would rather lie in bed writing poetry than take a day job, but there is also is the kind whose famous words were “I have a dream” and who ended up inspiring none other than the current president of the most powerful country in the world.