10 Post-wedding Tips for Newlyweds
by kalyani10
Even as you continue to bask in the post-wedding glow, soon Reality could be knocking at your door – if it already hasn’t done so. Newlyweds are often taken aback at hitherto unrevealed aspects of their spouse’s personality. Add to this the pressure of conforming to ideal of the perfect marriage and it could be a recipe for disillusionment and heartache. So here are ten post-wedding tips to help you make a smooth transition from newlyweds to forever-in-love.
- Prepare for the wedding night
You may be exhausted after all the wedding ceremonies and reception. And yet a minimum amount of preparation is crucial if your wedding night is to sizzle. Make sure that there are enough romantic gestures to set the mood – for instance, champagne on ice, rose petals on the floor and scented candles. If you feel you would be too rushed on your wedding day, have a close friend or sibling take care of the details. Also spend a lot of time on foreplay, especially if you are having sex for the first time. Women may experience some discomfort so it would be good to keep a lubricant or massage lotion handy. Above all keep in mind that it is not necessary to conform to somebody else’s ideal of how your wedding night should be. Sex like everything else needs lots of practice to be perfect and it is sure to get better with time.
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- Establish channels of communication
Getting married does not make you – or your spouse – a clairvoyant. You still need to work at communicating well with each other if you are to keep your marriage healthy. So keep the channels of communication open between you and your new spouse. This could mean establishing some rules early on, like fighting ‘fair’, no raised voices during discussions and arguments and definitely no taking recourse to personal attacks or verbal abuses. During the early days of marriage, it may seem pretty obvious that you and your partner would do nothing of the sort but it is incredible how quickly even the basics of courtesy erode between spouses in a marriage.
- Discuss having a baby
You and your spouse are probably still on the wedding high and you might not even be ready to start thinking about children. But there may be relatives throwing hints or ‘accidents’ waiting to happen. So before a pregnancy takes you by surprise, it is better to have a discussion on when to start a family. The most important thing to remember is that this is a decision between the two of you. Your parents, friends and other relatives have no say in whether you should get pregnant. Go over your feelings about children, time management skills, your finances and your goals for the future. Then make a decision that works for both of you. After all, deciding to become a parent is a huge decision because you'll be committing to a lifetime of responsibilities.
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- Talk about money
Money features as one of the most reasons for disputes among newlyweds. This is because when you are dating, each of you is responsible for his/her own expenses. But in a marriage you are required to share expenditures and costs of running a home. Problems crop up when there are lies and secrets about earning and spending money. So initiate a discussion where you can discuss your financial goals and indulgences, both as individuals as well a couple. Take the help of a professional consultant if necessary. Once you are able to determine and set common goals keeping your individual and joint incomes in view, there will be less scope of fighting over money.
- Get rid of pet peeves
The end of the honeymoon period is also marked by the emergence of personal habits and quirks which newlyweds find far more romantic. So you could be irritated by your spouse’s way of smoking in the car while he/she could go wild over your habit of keeping the wet towel on the bed. However in the early days of marriage you may want to keep silent about these small annoyances for fear of appearing petty or complaining. But experts now believe that couples who fail to talk about the small things that bother them are more likely to let those pet peeves grow into big resentments, thereby creating the conditions for marital disharmony down the road. So talk about your pet peeves in a fair way and without making personal attacks. Find out how you can respect each other’s individuality without creating problems for the other person.
- Deal with the in-law issue
One of the biggest challenges for newlyweds is getting along with in-laws. Couples in the honeymoon phase naturally want more privacy and in-laws who frequently come over or call can seem intrusive. It is best to air out these issues and establish some common principles early into the marriage in order to avoid complications later on. Try to strike a balance between spending more time with one another’s family members and each partner’s need for individual space and independence. You could for instance decide to spend one weekend with each set of parents in a month and ensure that the other two weekends are free for romancing each other.
- Have lots of fun together
Even though you are determined to do everything to make your marriage work, don’t forget to have fun with each other. Marriage is not always serious business and love encourages couples to feel silly about one another. If you are too overwhelmed by bills and chores, think of the time when you were dating and how a simple thing like hot fudge on a walnut brownie could get your partner all excited. Or a riding on the Ferris-wheel would make him/her squeal in delight. Also incorporate fun and laughter in your lovemaking and you will be able to keep the magic alive for a long time to come.
- Increase your social circle
Now that you and your partner are man and wife, try to get to know his/her social circle better. It is not mandatory that you get chummy with their friends and families, but having supportive mutual friends could go a long way in strengthening your marriage. At the same time keep in touch with your own friends and acquaintances from before marriage; this will keep you from being over-dependent on your spouse for company.
- Decide how and where to spend holidays
Holidays are some of the most stressful times of the year for married couples. Maybe your husband wants you to spend Christmas with his family while you want to call your parents over to your home. Or else partners could have different ideas on where and how much to spend on holidays. In order to avoid conflict, discuss things over beforehand. Give and take a little since this is the basic principle of living and loving together.
- Appreciate each other – everyday
For newlyweds perhaps the most common complaint is that their spouses do not ‘love’ them as much as they used to earlier. What they mean is of course, that there is far less appreciation from their partners than when they were dating. One of the worst things you can do is to start taking your spouse for granted which is unfortunately rather common in the hurly-burly of daily living. So make an effort to come up with at least one compliment everyday for your spouse. This will continue to let your spouse feel loved and cherished and create the foundations of a long and happy marriage.
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