Winning over the girl who rejected you

You fell in love with this girl who seemed to embody all you ever wanted in a woman. But there was only one problem. She didn’t seem to feel the same way about you. You really liked her, but couldn’t seem to get her to like you in return. Or worse yet, not only didn’t she like you, but also seemed to spurn your advances. And even though you feel you tried every trick in the book, she flat out rejected you.

Understandably you feel like your world is falling apart. But take heart, and try and look to greener pastures. Unfortunately, for some guys, they can’t look beyond and forget about this girl who doesn’t seem to care a fig for their feelings. They want what they can’t have. It’s either the challenge or seriously believing there is only this one girl for them.

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Sadly, if you’re one of those guys, she is etched on your memory and you can’t seem to get her out of your mind. Like Jordan, a lifeguard summed it up, "In my profession, I see tons of beautiful women everyday, but there was something about Lisa that drew me to her and although she didn’t seem interested I’d made up my mind that it was her or nobody else. She was reserved and even though she told me I was wasting my time, somehow I felt that if I managed to get under her skin, it would be worth the effort."

So what did Jordan do? He figured out Lisa’s weak spot – her family. She was very close to her parents and fiercely protective of her younger brother Matt, who was mentally challenged. Jordan managed to charm the socks off Lisa’s parents and succeeded in drawing Matt out, taking him to the beach and getting him to laugh and chase the waves.

"But I wasn’t trying to use Matt. I might have started out with ulterior motives, but once I got to know him, I was genuinely trying to give him a good time and found pleasure in his happiness," Jordan says. Gradually Lisa began to mellow and came to the conclusion that there was more to Jordan than initially met the eye. She’d stereotyped him as a flashy Casanova, but realized there was a depth to him and actually found herself falling for him.

Of course, everyone’s case might not be as straightforward or turn out as happy. But the important thing is that if you think you can’t be with anyone else until this girl, who once rejected you, gives you a fair chance, you’ve got to try. So here’s some food for thought…

1. Stop pursuing her

For some women the thrill is in the chase…or rather, being chased. So stand back and stop being available or even worse, at her beck and call. Play hard-to-get for a change. Keep your distance, but don’t disappear from the scene altogether. Just let her realize that you’re no longer a sucker for her. She might even think you’ve given up any idea of the two of you together and this will give you time to work out your next move.

2. Work on your weaknesses

Don’t let this affect your self-esteem, but did she give you any hints on why she wasn’t interested? Did she tell you that you were too aggressive and it made her uncomfortable? Or maybe she didn’t like your friends? Or you were out of your depth and acted silly around her? While this may not be a reflection on you as a person, if you can’t see your way to having a relationship with anyone until you’ve explored possibilities with her, try and work on and remedy whatever it is she had a problem with, if you’re really serious about her. But think about it, if she didn’t like your friends, are you willing to sacrifice friendship at the altar of possible love?

3. Get a makeover

Try and get a friend of yours – male or female – to be your personal fashion guru. Someone who has good fashion sense and could give you some grooming tips; soup up your appearance and give yourself a ‘new look’. If you can afford it, some new attire wouldn’t go amiss either, along with a hairstyle that compliments your face and highlights your best features.

4. Cultivate an interest in her interests

Try and find out through whatever source - her friends, colleagues, anybody whom you have access to – what she’s passionate about. It could be a sport, dancing, art – whatever it is, try and get into the act. If it’s dancing, take lessons - and you might just find yourself having a good time while you’re at it! Become a connoisseur of art if that’s what it takes. This is a hidden weapon to pull out when the moment is right.

5. Get into the groove

Start insinuating yourself back into the scene. Keep yourself within range and keep her in your radar but don’t make it too obvious or apparent. And for crying out loud, don’t stalk her and force her to get a restraining order on you! Figure out a way to meet her on neutral ground, without seeming desperate about it.

6. Click with her clique

If you’re a master of subtleties, try and ingratiate yourself into her inner circle of friends. Or casually get to know a cousin she might be close to. Figure out a way of befriending a good friend of hers so that you have a leg in. However, just to throw her off course, don’t make any effort to go out of your way to seek her company. Don’t ignore her - that would seem too premeditated - but anything more than breezy friendliness would make her suspicious and she would realize that this is a ruse to curry favor with her.

Initially, just try and establish what a great guy you are and gain marks for popularity. If you have the gift of wit, entertain her friends and make them laugh. As you get more familiar, you could even flirt casually with a few of her friends, in a harmless, fun way. Make sure however, that you fool around with all of them equally, not any specific one, as you wouldn’t want one of them to start having feelings for you and then alienate them when they realize your true motives, which will eventually surface.

Hopefully, once the girl who rejected you sees what a fun guy you are and how her friends all seem to be talking about you, she might start seeing you in a new light. And of course if you can throw in a few intelligent remarks about her passions (this is the right moment to take advantage of!) added to your already significant popularity quotient, you might be well on your way to winning over the girl who once rejected you!

But if all this doesn’t work, be ready to concede defeat, and be a man about it. There are plenty of fish in the sea and once you decide to move on, you might surprise yourself how quickly you bounce back!