When you Suspect your Husband of Getting Paid Sex

Any kind of infidelity causes pain and suffering in a committed relationship. Even then there is almost something horrifying and unclean about paid sex which is enough to devastate a marriage since in this case, there is not even the fig leaf of a special connection which is often used to excuse an extra-marital affair. If for some reason you suspect your husband of getting paid sex, here are a few things to keep in mind.

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Follow the money trail

Allegations of infidelity are a serious affair and before you accuse your husband of getting paid sex, it would be a good idea to ask yourself what concrete proof you have to support such thoughts. Go back to all your husband’s actions in the past few weeks which raised your suspicions in the first place and then gather the hard evidence.  Check out every credit card statement, and especially look for motels, hotels, jewelry and restaurants which are the usual expenses associated with female escort service. Suspicious expenses could figure under the labels  "Airport Services", "Mobile Assistants", "Hotel Services", or "Massage Service". Also check out your husband’s use of hotel phones to make calls instead of his cell phone.  If you know he's staying at a hotel, call the hotel and ask the person at the front desk about telephone activity/charges. Apart from this check out bank statements, related to your own, or joint account. If your husband maintains a separate account this might be tricky though but still look for ATM withdrawal receipts, cheque counterfoils or related text messages in your husband’s cell phone. Generally prostitutes want money up front and to pay them your husband would need to withdraw enough cash, both for the deposit for the girl showing up and the final charge and/or tip. If he is picking prostitutes off the street, then you may have a harder time tracking his actions down. Even then you can check for condom wrappers in his car, small cash withdrawals or missing cash in the range of $30 - $100 or  separate purchases at the gas pump and inside a gas station since small dollar amounts might indicate condom purchases. Street prostitutes generally give their service in the car and quickly move onto another customer while a high priced prostitute is more like an escort for their clients and your husband may be spend money on her at bars, restaurants or hotels where the money trail would be easier to follow.

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Track the timing

Watch his schedule closely since it's usually during the evening hours when men look for prostitutes. If your husband repeatedly returns home late with excuses of a long presentation or after-hours conference at the workplace, it could be a way of masking his trysts iwht hookers. In this case cross-check with another person at your husband’s office to know what is going on. Alternately you can ask a trusted friend with a car if she would help you follow him which would be the most direct way to catch him in action.

Changes in sexual behaviour

Even if hard evidence is difficult to come by initially, you can make out much by changes in your husband’s sexual behaviour. This can take two forms in the first case - if your husband is getting paid sex, he is likely to learn new sexual tricks and  may want to try them out in bed with you. So be on your guard, if your husband suddenly comes up with new sexual moves into your intimate relationship. On the other hand, sometimes cheating husbands completely go off sex with their wives. So if your husband shows no interest in intimacy with you it is also normal to wonder if he/she is getting sex somewhere else.

Online porn

Suspicious computer activity is usually a reliable indicator of a cheating spouse. In case you suspect your husband is getting paid sex,   check his computer, looking at the browser history and browser cache – your search would probably bring up porn sites, escort agencies and escort photos. In fact these days there are web sites, blogs, message boards and even entire online communities devoted to prostitutes who call themselves "providers" and their clients who call themselves "hobbyists". They rate each other and give reviews based on price, cleanliness, honesty and attractiveness. Then there are any number of adult dating sites on the internet which are all about sex and where many members are actually hookers, looking for clients. The presence of such links on your husband’s computer may be a fair sign that he is getting paid sex.

Hire a detective

If however you want foolproof evidence of your husband getting paid sex, the best course of action would be to go to a professional. If your finances permit, you can hire a detective to follow him and catch him by camera. At the same time consider what you would like to do with such evidence once you are presented with it. If you have already made up your mind to leave your husband, hand over the evidence promptly to your attorney. On the other hand if you want to give your marriage another chance, hold onto the evidence and wait for the right moment to come out with it. Also consider if you would be able to deal with emotional consequences of your husband’s infidelity once you see the proof up front and in color.

Act on your knowledge

Once the facts are in your hand, realize that it is time to act. This could go two ways; if all the proof of your husband’s seeing a prostitute is so strong that it cannot be ignored, there is no other option but to ask him about it. However be careful to hold on to your temper through all this since nothing will make him deny the whole thing as promptly as an angry accusation; rather ask your husband calmly if he has been getting paid sex. Don’t question his morality or behavior however but question the facts. If there are a pile of credit card receipts for jewelry you have never seen, ask him about it. Or point out to receipts of motel bookings and ask why he should be paying for those. Specific questions about facts are more likely to elicit an honest answer from your husband rather than pointing finger at his integrity.

Once your husband has admitted to cheating on you, consider what else he has to say. Is he really sorry for the trauma that he has put you through? Is he ready to take genuine steps to mend the bond of trust that has been broken? If your husband seems sincerely sorry for the episode of infidelity and is willing to make amends, may be you can give the marriage another chance to see how it works out. On the other hand if he is a habitual offender or if you see that despite saying sorry for the affair, he is not ready to bring in any substantial changes in his ways, consider putting the marriage behind you.

It may also happen that your suspicions about your husband getting paid sex turn out to be baseless. In this case consider what drove the thought into your mind. It is sure to be a consequence of some deep unease that you are having about your marriage; if so, focus on the areas that need work and get down to doing something about it. For instance if you believe that you have been too busy with the kids lately and have not been able to spend time with him, plan to devote more time to your partner and marriage.  If however your findings have left the matter inconclusive, honest and open communication would be the key to resolving things. You will both need to work on your sources of anxiety as well as elicit the truth from your husband. Asking him directly has the advantage of putting an end to nagging doubt but it may result in your husband being hurt at your lack of trust in him if he is truly innocent. However if you take responsibility for your own suspicions and explain why you felt the way you did, chances are you both can work things out to your mutual satisfaction. On the other hand if all this seems too much for you to handle on your own, by all means see a counselor who will not only clarify the issues at play but also guide you on how best to resolve them.