Giving a Promise Ring to your Beloved

Tokens of love have existed as long as romantic relationships came to be part of social living. In these days with increasing complexity of relationships, visual symbols of love have also proliferated in number and variety. One of these in contemporary popular culture is the promise ring, and for those of you who wish to know more about it, here is a brief bit about what giving a promise ring to a beloved entails.

What is a promise ring?

Promise rings can mean different things to different people. The most common purpose of giving a promise ring to a beloved is to underline the monogamous nature of the relationship. A promise ring given to a girl or exchanged between a couple indicates that the two are dating each other exclusively. In this sense, it can be seen as a step toward engagement, but does not necessarily mean engagement will follow or the giver of the ring is placing him/herself under any official commitment.

Apart from the romantic connotations of a promise ring, it can also be given to a very close friend as a way of emphasizing and appreciating a deep personal bond.

Yet another use of the promise ring is in the Christian context where it functions as a symbol of abstinence. Also known as a purity ring, this came into fashion in the 1990s, in the conservative Christian churches where girls around ages 13-17 would wear the ring as a mark of their devotion to Jesus and their commitment of abstinence until marriage. The ring may be given to them by a family member (usually the father) at a ceremony in the church in which the girl also takes a vow of chastity until marriage. Alternately, the girl may also choose to purchase the ring herself and wear it as a personal token of her faith. In this context, the promise ring is to be removed by the husband on the wedding day and replaced by a wedding ring.

While some girlfriends can give a promise ring to their male partners, conventionally a promise ring is worn by a woman. Also where it is worn depends on the kind of promise ring it is. Pre-engagement promises are worn on the left or right ring finger. However, in order to avoid confusion with an actual engagement, the right hand is preferred. Monogamy promise rings are again preferably worn on right ring finger so as not to confuse with an engagement ring. Purity promise rings are usually worn on left ring finger and replaced by an actual engagement or wedding ring.

How did the practice come into being?

The practice of giving a ring to symbolize a romantic attachment can be traced back to ancient Romans who wore cast iron "betrothal rings" with the name of the couple slated to be married engraved in it. Eventually, like many other aspects of popular culture, this practice too was incorporated into Christianity wherein priests and nuns began to use the ring as a symbol to their commitment to the church and their symbolic marriage to Jesus Christ. Later on at the beginning of modern history, young couples or close friends began giving each other rings as promise of their love or friendship. However promise rings were differentiated from engagement rings firstly as being more affordable and secondly as being less binding on the commitment of marriage.

How to buy a promise ring

If you are lucky to have found the partner of your dreams and what’s more he/she feels the same about you, you are probably thinking of buying a promise ring. Once you have secured the size of your partner’s finger you are ready to hit the stores. These days promise rings come in all different types of styles, from simple bands to ornate settings for gems and diamonds. Choose a silver, gold or platinum ring based on the kind of jewelry normally worn by your beloved. Promise rings can be bought in any of these materials, although the most common material is gold. Then again, think about whether you would like to present a promise ring that sets a diamond or other gem. Choosing a diamond will tell the person that you are very serious about the promise you are making since it is akin to an engagement ring. If your resources are limited or you do not wish to indicate such a strong commitment, a ring set on a birthstone can be a great choice. If the ring is wide enough, engrave it with your initials as well as that of your beloved. And even better idea is to engrave a short phrase - like ‘for my love forever’ or ‘My best friend’ based on the promise you are making to him or her.

How to give a promise ring

While the very act of presenting a ring to your girlfriend is imbued with romance, you can think of many unusual and fun ways too as a way of create lovely memories for a lifetime. If your girlfriend loves chocolates, as most women do, buy a box of gourmet chocolates, remove one of the chocolates from the box and replace it with the ring. When your girlfriend opens the box expecting only chocolates, she will see the ring and most probably dissolve in happy tears. Again you could hide a promise ring in a book of love poetry and after you request your partner to read out a poem from it, he/she is sure to chance upon it. You could have lots of fun by making the ring presentation part of a game; for example, the next time you organize a romantic scavenger hunt for your beloved, let the final prize be the ring you have bought for him/her. Some time-honored practices though are perennially popular like hiding the ring in a glass of champagne or in favorite a dessert as you dine at an elegant restaurant. No matter how romantic, adventurous or creative your way of giving a promise ring, only ensure that you do it with affection and thoughtfulness, because this may be a moment that you and your beloved are going to remember for a very long time.

Make intentions clear

Finally the most important part of giving a promise ring to a beloved is to be as clear as possible about the nature of your promise. The intentions of giving a promise ring can range from friendship and sexual abstinence to monogamy and even a commitment for marriage. If you are pledging fidelity – but not yet thinking about engagement - then keep your sentiments along the lines of, "I promise to be faithful to you throughout our relationship." You don't want a situation where your partner assumes you are promising marriage while in reality you are only agreeing to stay faithful in your present relationship. After she accepts, celebrate the occasion by doing something or taking her somewhere special. You could for instance go fine dining at a sophisticated restaurant or attend an outdoor concert by a band you both love. Last of all, no matter what matter what the basis of presenting a promise ring to your beloved, honor the promise involved. The true worth of a promise ring lies in how staunchly you defend your promise that you have made while presenting it.