When your Boyfriend Wants to Have Sex But you're not Ready yet - Teen Sexuality

Men think about sex far more often that women do. So, it comes as no surprise that when your boyfriend thinks you should take the leap while you think waiting is better! Men think of sex as a physical activity while women see sex as a level of commitment that comes in a relationship. When a woman is ready for sex, she is ready to give unconditionally and take the relationship a step forward while it may not be so with men. So the next time your boyfriend tells you he’s ready and you feel you aren’t, here’s what you should do.

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Understand his point of view

All men aren’t selfish! Once you understand this, everything will become a lot clearer to you. Try and understand his view point about the relationship you are in. There have been instances when men have committed to spending their lives with women a lot before their counterparts have taken that decision. So when he tells you that the relationship is ready for the next level, just evaluate the situation thoroughly. This may help in brandishing fears about sex and may give you a fresher perspective on where you and your boyfriend are heading in your relationship.

Are you above the age of consent?

If you're not above the age of consent, it may not be legal for your boyfriend to have sex with you. He could be hauled up for statutory rape in some countries.

Is he mature enough 

Is your boyfriend mature enough and will you be practising safe sex? These are important questions you must address. If you're not sure about him and the pressure is getting too much, it may be better to end the relationship thanrisk getting a sexually transmitted disease that could play havoc with your health or even your life.

Talk to him

Use your communication skills to get out of an uncomfortable situation. Put your feelings into words and express them. If you find yourself hesitating at the thought of having sex, don’t do it. You don’t eat a vegetable you don’t like, so why should you do something you are either scared of or have no interest in?  Your boyfriend will wait, for as long as you want, if he loves you. Its cliché, but it’s true. Just remember, if he doesn’t wait, he isn’t the right guy for you!

Analyze your situation

If you’ve been in your current relationship long enough to know your partner well, ask yourself why you are reluctant to give in 100%? The reasons could vary from person to person. If you see yourself getting vague replies, it’s time to move on.  If an unfortunate incident in the past is haunting you, then you have to get out of that bubble and settle comfortably in a new one. If you are afraid of what your boyfriend will think of you and your skills, it’s time to brace the moment and see for yourself! Answering the questions in your mind can help you get over your fears and embrace your current relationship fully.

Make excuses

Although this may seem like a shallow option to opt for, most girls resort to it. You see your boyfriend geared up but don’t have the heart to stop him right there and let him know how you feel? Many women face the same situation and end up using excuses to delay. You can do this a few times but eventually you’re cornered! Granted, you need the right moment to let your boyfriend know your feelings and sometimes, the time isn’t right. But when you start using excuses on a regular basis, you are just driving him away. A little honesty is appreciated and goes a long way!

Switch places

You don’t have to switch places literally but all you have to do here is a little role-play. After your boyfriend indicates that he wants to do it and you don’t feel up to it, tell him your feelings and ask him to put himself in your place for a while. When your boyfriend thinks like you and realizes your concerns, he is bound to take control of the situation. He will either dismiss the idea as stupid, and if he does that, you should be thankful that you dint give in! But on the other hand, if he understands your thought process and you don’t see him asking you every now and then, you know you have a winner on your hands!

Drop subtle hints

You enjoy hanging out with your boyfriend but are scared that things will get out of control once you get down to ‘business?’ If that sounds like you then maybe you should start dropping subtle hints about being where you are, in the relationship. In short, pausing the relationship at the stage it is in, currently!  If your boyfriend wants to order in, relax and get naughty, insist on going out. If he refuses, coax him by telling him that you’d pay for the food. That way, his mind gets diverted and he starts opening up to the possibility of having a quiet night. You could also mention your fears or apprehensions about sex while you are having a serious discussion with him. You don’t have to blatantly point it out to him, but just weave your words carefully to let him know how you feel.

Assure him

If your boyfriend is eager to do it and you’re not, the least you can do for him is to assure him that he will be the first to know when you think you’re ready.  Don’t keep him guessing and expect him to make the first move. Since you stopped him earlier, chances are that he will be reluctant to try again. If you can’t be direct with him, it’s time to bring out the subtlety again. You will get a lot of opportunities to do so and you must grab them before it gets too late. If after a while, you feel you need some more time, tell him that too. The clearer you are about your intentions, the better it will be for both of you!

Having sex just because ‘everyone is doing it’ or ‘you don’t want him to wait anymore’ or ‘you are afraid he will leave you’ is the wrong thing to do. You govern your life, not your friends, not your boyfriend! So when it comes to taking a stand, don’t let other people make the decision for you.