Should you Date a Man Who Doesn't Have any Friends?

As social creatures, it is only natural for human beings to be surrounded by a circle of friends, family and co-workers. They not only exist as partners in recreational activities but constitute an important means of support in times of need or emergency. At times however you do across some individuals who do not appear to put much faith in these social connections. If you are seeing such a man, you may at times be faced with the question whether you should or should not date such a person.

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Most women complain about being ignored by their partners who would much rather watch a game with their buddies or hang out at the bar with their co-workers. Then there are some guys who are intensely into hobbies like fishing, hunting, boat-making and so on which not only attract most male enthusiasts but which they would much rather pursue with their male buddies rather than girlfriends. Women who have such boyfriends can be found wishing, more than once, that their partners were not into such activities which are only about male-bonding and which leave the girlfriends feeling ignored and neglected. Compared to these women, you may be better off since you don’t need to share your boyfriend with macho friends who always want to whisk him away to the outdoors or the nightclub which has a reputation for gorgeous strippers. Then again consider how many women are left to clean up the mess made by her boyfriend and his friends when they come over to watch a game on the TV or have a barbecue party on the lawn. Worse still, you may have to rustle up a quick dinner or prepare endless rounds of coffee when your boyfriend’s friends decide to park themselves at your place over the weekend

The biggest advantage however to a boyfriend who keeps to himself is that you have relatively greater freedom in fixing dates, picnics and outings. No pesky friends calling up at ten in the night asking whether your boyfriend would like to join the gang at the bar or boring dinners hosted by your guy’s friends and his wife where you are forced to admire their gardenias and watch their silly home videos. There are only two people in the relationship – you and your boyfriend and apart from work schedules you are relatively free to be with each other or plan to do things together.

However no extreme situation can be healthy for the people involved. So if your boyfriend does not any friends of his own, it could give rise to certain unhappy consequences for you too. The most significant of these is perhaps the fact that he will be excessively dependent on you when he has nothing else to do in his leisure time. Without his own social circle, he will expect you to be at his beck and call – whether to keep him entertained at home or accompany him to places he wants to visit. At the outset, a woman may wonder what is wrong in that – indeed, anyone new to the relationship would even want a situation where every waking moment is spent in the company of her boyfriend. But the problem is after a while if two people have only each other to keep them company, there is bound to be friction. He may want to go biking in the afternoon while you may just want to stay indoors. No matter how much two people are in love, it is quite impossible for them to share each and every interest in the same manner. Even if you both are avid movie fans, your boyfriend may want to rent out a horror DVD for Saturday night while you would want to watch a historical epic or a romantic comedy.

Apart from the fact that you will be expected to cater to your boyfriend’s recreational demands, another drawback to dating a guy without friends is the possibility that you may have to sacrifice many of your own interests. You may enjoy doing certain things with other girls like shopping or watching chick flicks; in fact most individuals have at least a couple of interests which they like pursuing alone – like browsing through paintings in an art gallery or playing a musical instrument. If your boyfriend depends on you exclusively to fill up his leisure time, you may not get enough opportunity to do the things you like or to be with other people who are also close to you. This excessive neediness on the part of your boyfriend may even be intensified into a kind of insecurity or worse jealousy if you insist on taking time out by yourself.

Then again friends form an important support structure; you want them to be around to be happy for you on your promotion or console you in the event of a misfortune. In cases of emergencies like accidents or illnesses, they are often the first people you contact, sometimes even before your family. Likewise true friends can prove to be invaluable in sorting out things, if you and your partner are going through a rough patch in the relationship. Finally friends provide perspective; things about your partner which bother you too much may not seem so important after all when you discuss them with friends. Similarly when you see other couples going through similar pulls and strains in a relationship, you know you are not alone and these skirmishes are part of any average relationship.

For all these reasons, dating a man who has no friends could pose certain challenges. And yet for many women, it is not a deal-breaker. You can always talk about the situation early on and explain that you while you love spending time with him, at times you like to hang out with your own pals too. In fact if your boyfriend is a loner at heart, he may not even expect you to entertain him at all. Solitary people often like spending time by themselves and are not dependent on others to fill their leisure hours. However if your partner’s lack of friends is a sign that he is difficult to get along with, it may be a red flag warning you to test the waters before jumping headlong into the relationship.