Gay Dating Questions - Making Conversation on the First Date

A first date is a time you are just getting to know your partner. and one of the most effective ways to do this is by talking to each other. and yet first date conversations usually arouse much trepidation since you don’t yet know what your partner would and would not like to talk about. Things may even get more complicated in gay dating where there are additional issues like coming out and gay politics to contend with. so here are a few tips on making conversation on a first date for gay couples.

Start with an icebreaker

The toughest part about making conversation on the first date is to break the ice. If you know already something about your partner, use it to get started. For instance if you are aware that he teaches in a college, you could ask something about the campus or courses; then again if you have met through mutual friends, you could ask how he knows them. In case of a blind date or when you know absolutely nothing about your date, use general icebreakers which relate to him or you. For instance you could say “Great laptop. I'm looking to buy a new computer. Where did you get it?” Or perhaps something like “I'm new to this neighborhood. Do you know which are the good restaurants?” This way you can get the conversation started and then take it from there.

TIP: Browse profiles of single gay men in your city looking for activity partners and dates.

Ask open-ended questions

Now that you have at least got the conversational juices flowing, take it further by asking open-ended questions. These are queries that cannot be answered with a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ and require the other person to respond with at least a proper sentence or two. Some of the simplest open-ended questions could relate to your date’s profession or simply the fact of his being in this city. For instance you could ask him, “What brought you to Los Angeles/ Seattle/ Atlanta or any other geographical location”. You could also ask a similar question on the interest or fact that brought you together, like “How did you get involved in fund-raising/, community theater/ the stock market/ producing films?” Open-ended questions encourage the respondent to say something more about himself and thus make it easier for two people to get to know each other. At the same time ask the questions at a casual pace – don’t make him feel as though he is being court-martialed or cross-questioned. Take it easy and slow and he is sure to get comfortable talking about himself.

Pay attention to your date

An important part of making conversation is also listening appropriately. While you may have succeeded in getting the conversation going, at the same time it is also important to listen actively to what your partner has to say and maintain eye contact when he is speaking to you. Seldom is anything so irritating to a date when a partner lets his gaze stray to the others in the room and gets distracted by a single at the next table. Also avoid fiddling with your phone or checking the time too often. When you pay attention to what your date has to say, he will not only be charmed by your consideration but also feel valued and respected which is essential for any serious relationship.

Pay a compliment or two

Everyone likes to hear something nice about himself. It tells the listener that he is appreciated and has something special. And in case of a first date, it is even more important that you make your partner feel nice about himself since this will in turn make him wish to be with you even more. So when you are out together for the first time, you could say something like “You look great tonight.” or “I didn't realize you could sing so well”. If you sense that your partner is the shy type and may feel embarrassed by a personal remark, direct your compliment to something else for instance a hobby or his profession. You could say instead “Your choice of wines is exquisite” or “I admire your commitment to politics.” At the same time, there are certain no-nos about compliments, especially on a first date. Never say anything sexually inappropriate or make a personal remark which may make a person feel uncomfortable. For instance you can say you admire a date’s jacket but if you mention a body part or talk about your private fantasies, you will not only come off as crude but end up making your date wary of his safety. Also always make it a point to be sincere about your compliments – don’t praise anything that you don’t genuinely appreciate; rather take a second or two to observe something about your date that you like and then base your compliment on that. This way your date will not only feel flattered but also be assured that your appreciation is sincere.

Ask about him

This approach may seem to be done to death but as far as getting results is concerned, it rarely fails. This is because of the simple reason that almost everyone likes talking about themselves. However make an attempt to go beyond general questions like “What is your favorite pastime” or “Who is your favorite actor” and try to be more specific like “Where did you go for your last vacation?”. Or perhaps take a more exploratory approach like “How do you usually spend your Sunday mornings?” If you merely ask “Who is your favorite author?”, your date might give a name and then clam up. On the other hand if you ask something like “What do you think of the way Stephanie Meyer’s novels have been adapted for the Twilight film series?”, there is a better chance of an interesting conversation.

Avoid controversial topics

General dating etiquette usually warns couples of engaging in controversial topics on a first date. Topics like religion, sexuality and politics can arouse conflicting loyalties and emotions and since this is the time when two people are just getting to know each other, such topics are hardly congenial to pleasant dating. And yet in the gay community, political and religious views are often very pertinent and even work as a bonding factor the community. Indeed it is highly likely that you may have met your partner at a political rally or a church meeting organized around gay issues. Even then be very careful while discussing complex topics since they can often lead the conversation to uncomfortable waters. A first date is the time to have fun as you meet and get to know your partner. It is only later when you think of settling into a committed relationship that you will need to negotiate far more complex issues of values and loyalties.