Having an Active Sex life as a Single Mom
by kalyani10
Fighting stereotypes
While women bringing up children on their own are no longer looked down upon in contemporary society, the idea of single moms pursuing an active sex life is still treated in morally ambiguous terms. It is like a mom, especially a single mom, should be devoting her life to taking care of her kids and her body only exists to fulfill the needs of her little ones, not her own.
Reflecting the traditional mores, even the mainstream media appears to be uncomfortable depicting single mothers with healthy sex lives. They are either shown as happily sacrificing their sex lives in order to raise their children or as having a turnstile of men coming through the front door while the kids play video games in the living room. More often than not, single moms with active sex lives are seen as fallen women and bad mothers – in fact most likely the loudest voice of disapproval belongs to the father of the kids who may go to the extent of threatening to take away child custody on the pretext of setting a bad example to the kids. The reality though is entirely different – most single mothers are aware of their responsibility to bring up their kids in a safe and healthy environment while also being aware that their personal needs are equally important. Thus if you are a single mom and ready to date again, start by throwing off the cloak of guilt that may shroud your sex life. Your sexual needs as a healthy woman are as legitimate as the need of love and security felt by your kids and indeed even important for successful parenting since a depressed, frustrated mom can be little expected to raise her children in a wholesome way.
Be honest with yourself
Once you have decided to go dating again, consider truthfully what your motives are? It is only too easy to confuse the need to have sex with the need for a relationship, when in reality you may not be prepared for the emotional ups and downs that the latter entails. Mainstream culture still has a tendency to show a primarily sexual involvement through the rose-tinted glasses of a ‘relationship’ in order for it to be meaningful. You need to stay away from such fallacies when looking for intimacy since the last thing you need after wading through the torturous route of divorce is to start emotionally reeling again. Also it is always a bad idea to look for sex as a way of seeking validation from another person. It is only natural for a woman to emerge from a divorce with her self-worth bruised and her self-confidence battered. But if you are feel you need sex so as to make you feel desirable or smart again, you could again be setting up yourself for heartache. So if you decide to go ahead and have sex, let it be for the right reasons and not so that you feel guilty or confused in the process.
Plan ahead
As a single mom, you rarely have the emotional or practical luxury to make mistakes. So before you go ahead and jumpstart your sex life, it would be good to have a plan in mind for how you're doing to handle various situations; in fact you may even share it with a trusted friend who will hold you accountable to your priorities. A crucial aspect of the plan is to decide up front how and when you are prepared to be intimate with your partner. For example, if physical intimacy is reserved for weekends when your children are visiting the other parent, be sure to share that intention with your partner ahead of time so that you can avoid miscommunication with one another or possibly hurting each other's feelings. Planning ahead will also help you to take care of practical details like hiring a baby-sitter and deciding on the venue of an intimate night. This would also be a good time to decide on the boundaries of the kind of relationship you are looking at – how casual or serious do you want it to be; are you looking for only sexual involvement with no-strings attached or do you need a degree of companionship too? Also consider what or how much are you going to tell your children about your partners. It is important to take measures for their safety too so that they are not exposed to sexual predators. Thrash out these questions ahead so that in the heat of the moment you do not end up doing something silly which you may regret in the end.
Spruce yourself up
Very often being a mommy takes up so much of your energy and time that you no longer feel attractive about yourself. Feeling desirable is an important requirement to a fulfilling sex life which is why you may need to set apart some time to pamper yourself. Go for a new and attractive personal style, if need be; pay more attention to your wardrobe and appearance. Also make sure that you work out regularly and have a healthy diet. Healthy lifestyle habits will not only lead to a fitter and more irresistible you but will benefit your own health in the long run – lover or no lover.
Make your health a priority
Both for your own and your kids’ sake, you need to put your physical well-being above everything else. So ensure that you always carry a latex condom and take other appropriate measures to protect yourself from STDs and unwanted pregnancies before having sex. If testing is important to you, share that preference early in your relationship and take steps to get tested jointly. Don't wait to discuss this issue when already you are heading towards the bedroom - you both deserve to know that you're not putting yourselves at risk by becoming intimate with one another.
Be prepared for complications
Intimate relationships, no matter how practically you approach them, are apt to get messy. It is quite possible that while you want a mainly sexual relationship, your partner suddenly decides that he wants ‘more.’ At such times use your intuition and your gut to gage if you think he is getting attached and you aren’t. Reiterate the boundaries of your relationship, if need be. And, be ready to exit the relationship to save his feelings and avoid any potential drama. On the other hand, you also need to be prepared for the possibility of rejection or an abrupt end to the relationship. Your ‘friend with benefits’ might suddenly meet someone he wants to date seriously or an intermittent lover may suddenly replace you or lose interest. Thus before you engage on a casual relationship, ensure that you are protected from the emotional impact of such possibilities so that you do not end up feeling lonely and depressed.
An active and fulfilling sex life as a divorced, single mom is often considered to a contradiction in terms – she not only has to heal from the pain of your divorce but also take on the majority of the childcare. Above all there is the larger responsibility of having to put food on the table and a roof over the family’s head. If you are juggling with a similar set of commitments, it is only natural to feel that your sex life is heading south. However with a little bit of planning ahead and some solid help from your support network, it is actually possible to have an active sex life as a single mom.
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to browse photo profiles of single women and men looking for dates.Fighting stereotypes
While women bringing up children on their own are no longer looked down upon in contemporary society, the idea of single moms pursuing an active sex life is still treated in morally ambiguous terms. It is like a mom, especially a single mom, should be devoting her life to taking care of her kids and her body only exists to fulfill the needs of her little ones, not her own.
Reflecting the traditional mores, even the mainstream media appears to be uncomfortable depicting single mothers with healthy sex lives. They are either shown as happily sacrificing their sex lives in order to raise their children or as having a turnstile of men coming through the front door while the kids play video games in the living room. More often than not, single moms with active sex lives are seen as fallen women and bad mothers – in fact most likely the loudest voice of disapproval belongs to the father of the kids who may go to the extent of threatening to take away child custody on the pretext of setting a bad example to the kids. The reality though is entirely different – most single mothers are aware of their responsibility to bring up their kids in a safe and healthy environment while also being aware that their personal needs are equally important. Thus if you are a single mom and ready to date again, start by throwing off the cloak of guilt that may shroud your sex life. Your sexual needs as a healthy woman are as legitimate as the need of love and security felt by your kids and indeed even important for successful parenting since a depressed, frustrated mom can be little expected to raise her children in a wholesome way.
Be honest with yourself
Once you have decided to go dating again, consider truthfully what your motives are? It is only too easy to confuse the need to have sex with the need for a relationship, when in reality you may not be prepared for the emotional ups and downs that the latter entails. Mainstream culture still has a tendency to show a primarily sexual involvement through the rose-tinted glasses of a ‘relationship’ in order for it to be meaningful. You need to stay away from such fallacies when looking for intimacy since the last thing you need after wading through the torturous route of divorce is to start emotionally reeling again. Also it is always a bad idea to look for sex as a way of seeking validation from another person. It is only natural for a woman to emerge from a divorce with her self-worth bruised and her self-confidence battered. But if you are feel you need sex so as to make you feel desirable or smart again, you could again be setting up yourself for heartache. So if you decide to go ahead and have sex, let it be for the right reasons and not so that you feel guilty or confused in the process.
Plan ahead
As a single mom, you rarely have the emotional or practical luxury to make mistakes. So before you go ahead and jumpstart your sex life, it would be good to have a plan in mind for how you're doing to handle various situations; in fact you may even share it with a trusted friend who will hold you accountable to your priorities. A crucial aspect of the plan is to decide up front how and when you are prepared to be intimate with your partner. For example, if physical intimacy is reserved for weekends when your children are visiting the other parent, be sure to share that intention with your partner ahead of time so that you can avoid miscommunication with one another or possibly hurting each other's feelings. Planning ahead will also help you to take care of practical details like hiring a baby-sitter and deciding on the venue of an intimate night. This would also be a good time to decide on the boundaries of the kind of relationship you are looking at – how casual or serious do you want it to be; are you looking for only sexual involvement with no-strings attached or do you need a degree of companionship too? Also consider what or how much are you going to tell your children about your partners. It is important to take measures for their safety too so that they are not exposed to sexual predators. Thrash out these questions ahead so that in the heat of the moment you do not end up doing something silly which you may regret in the end.
Spruce yourself up
Very often being a mommy takes up so much of your energy and time that you no longer feel attractive about yourself. Feeling desirable is an important requirement to a fulfilling sex life which is why you may need to set apart some time to pamper yourself. Go for a new and attractive personal style, if need be; pay more attention to your wardrobe and appearance. Also make sure that you work out regularly and have a healthy diet. Healthy lifestyle habits will not only lead to a fitter and more irresistible you but will benefit your own health in the long run – lover or no lover.
Make your health a priority
Both for your own and your kids’ sake, you need to put your physical well-being above everything else. So ensure that you always carry a latex condom and take other appropriate measures to protect yourself from STDs and unwanted pregnancies before having sex. If testing is important to you, share that preference early in your relationship and take steps to get tested jointly. Don't wait to discuss this issue when already you are heading towards the bedroom - you both deserve to know that you're not putting yourselves at risk by becoming intimate with one another.
Be prepared for complications
Intimate relationships, no matter how practically you approach them, are apt to get messy. It is quite possible that while you want a mainly sexual relationship, your partner suddenly decides that he wants ‘more.’ At such times use your intuition and your gut to gage if you think he is getting attached and you aren’t. Reiterate the boundaries of your relationship, if need be. And, be ready to exit the relationship to save his feelings and avoid any potential drama. On the other hand, you also need to be prepared for the possibility of rejection or an abrupt end to the relationship. Your ‘friend with benefits’ might suddenly meet someone he wants to date seriously or an intermittent lover may suddenly replace you or lose interest. Thus before you engage on a casual relationship, ensure that you are protected from the emotional impact of such possibilities so that you do not end up feeling lonely and depressed.
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