The Ten Most Common Reasons Couples Opt for a Divorce

As divorce rates continue to remain relatively high across the country, many often wonder why so many couples get divorced. While it may seem strange to use divorce to escape a lifelong commitment, spouses seek divorces for many different reasons. Certainly, not all spouses get divorced simply because they no longer love each other. Many of the most common reasons for divorce are often relationship-related problems or long-term deficiencies in the marriage. While the specifics of each divorce are unique, many spouses often seek divorce for a similar set of reasons.

1. Infidelity in the Marital Relationship

Infidelity in the marital relationship may occur for many different reasons. Occasionally, a spouse may be feeling unsatisfied in the bedroom or may desire to have other needs fulfilled. Regardless of the cause of infidelity; however, there is no question that infidelity has a tendency to destroy marriages.

Adultery tends to create a trust void between spouses that can be difficult, if not impossible to repair. Additionally, the infidelity itself often reveals a fundamental deficiency in either the marriage relationship or in one of the spouses. Either way, very few acts can end a marriage faster than adultery.

2. Constant Infighting

A marriage relationship is a grand union of two people; however, many spouses often refuse to compromise during the marriage. Compromise is the bedrock of a marriage and all spouses need to learn to negotiate with each other to survive. After all, no two people can agree on absolutely everything.

Unfortunately, regular fighting can become tiresome for spouses. It is not uncommon for spouses to simply give up when faced with chronic marital discord. For spouses wishing to save their marriages from constant fighting, seeking marriage counseling is likely an important first step to staying together.

3. Spousal Abuse or Cruelty

It is a tragedy that spousal abuse and neglect occur on a daily basis for various reasons. In some instances, one spouse simply does not understand how to take care of the other in the proper way. In other cases, a spouse’s cruelty is so pronounced that it can create a danger not only to the marriage but also to the very life and health of the other spouse. Marriages in which one spouse abuses the other are more than simply unhealthy relationships. It should be no surprise that after sustaining abuse, many spouses will want to leave the marriage and begin anew.

4. Substance Abuse of a Spouse

A spouse’s abuse of drugs or alcohol can also create significant marital discord. Spouses who abuse drugs or alcohol are more likely to be abusive and belligerent, and they are more likely to start fights while intoxicated. Additionally, paying for a substance abuse habit can become expensive very quickly, particularly when the substance is abused regularly. Such expensive habits can put substantial strain on a family’s finances and cause significant marital discord. It is not uncommon that spouses ask their partner to choose between the abused substance and the marriage. Unfortunately, many spouses do not choose to repair the marriage.

5. Family Trauma and Medical Issues

Tragedy is an unfortunate side effect of the human relationship. In Shakespeare’s plays, tragedy is often accompanied by discordance in family relationships. While the bard sought to dramatically portray family suffering, the reality is that it happens in real life too. The death of a parent or child can have devastating effects on the emotional and mental health of married couples. Spouses who rely on each other to get through this trauma often survive with their marriages stronger; however, many marriages can crumble under the weight of family tragedy or unforeseen medical injuries.

6. Unrealistic Expectations About Marriage

Many spouses not only dream of a perfect marriage, they often expect it too. The reality of life, however, is not perfect. Marriage often does not run parallel with one’s ideal life goals. Weaving a spouse and children in between career goals and other desires can be difficult, although it is certainly feasible. Spouses who have more flexible mindsets and who are willing to pursue both a happy marriage and their dream life will be more successful in marriage.

7. Pornography or Unfulfilled Sexual Desires

Since the advent of the internet, pornography usage, particularly among younger men, has spiked across the country. While the use of pornography itself can create marital problems by interfering with the couple’s sexual relationship, pornography use often reveals a deeper seated problem in the relationship.

Statistics demonstrate that a majority of searches for pornography online are for forms of sex or intimacy that the user is not regularly accustomed to experiencing. For example, searches for LGBT pornography are nearly as common among people who identify as “straight” as such searches are in the LGBT community. These types of unfulfilled sexual desires, even if intermittent, can create significant marital strain both inside the bedroom and in daily life.

8. Lack of True Commitment

Many spouses view divorce as an easy fix to their problems. Because divorce is more easily accessible than it was a century ago, more divorces are occurring. Additionally, society’s view on divorce and marriage is changing. Far fewer spouses are determined to make a relationship work no matter the circumstances than they might have been in the past.

This may ultimately be a good trend, as society has become accepting of spouses who leave abusive relationships or who refuse to play second fiddle to adulterous relationships or other problems such as abusive substances. Regardless, statistics do demonstrate a downward trend in total commitment.

9. Personal Reasons

It is not uncommon for a spouse to have marital problems due to his or her own emotional issues. Not all relationship problems arise out of the relationship itself. Occasionally, a divorce will result out of a spouse’s depression or anxiety over life. Sometimes, a midlife crisis will intervene in what might otherwise be a happy marriage.

Additionally, many spouses may develop emotional problems or disabling psychiatric illnesses over time. Mental illness and insanity can often be the triggers for a spouse seeking a divorce through no real fault of the spouses or a problem in the marriage.

10. It Just Wasn’t Working

Marriages do end for a large variety of reasons, and often not for any one particular reason. Many different strains are placed on relationships every day, and it is not uncommon for spouses to simply see the spark of love leave their lives.