How to Get your Wife Back After an Affair

Today infidelity is the number one reason for couples getting divorced in United States. While there may be as many reasons and excuses to stray out of a marriage as there are cheating spouses, the emotional chaos caused by an extra-marital affair is rarely worth all the trouble. If you have realized this as well and are now eager to get back your wife after an affair, here are a few things to keep in mind.

Regain her trust

While passion and sexual chemistry are all very well in love, the bedrock of any committed relationship is mutual trust –  which is also the quickest to break in an extra-marital affair. Thus one of the hardest tasks for you would be to rebuild the trust that has broken.  Whatever may have been the reason you strayed, if you feel that you don’t want to give up on your partner after all, you need to be the one to take the initiative of saving the relationship. And the first step towards this would be to regain your partner’s trust.

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Stop contact

The quickest way to do this would be to absolutely break off all ties with the other person. After cheating on your partner you may be overwhelmed by a fit of remorse and promise that you are never going to meet that other person again. But in reality, repeat cheating happens all the time. You must keep away from any type of contact with the person whether by phone, text-messages, email or in person. This is essential to convince your wife that you are serious about rebuilding the relationship. However if the other person is someone you must come across from time to time, like a co-worker or an ex-spouse, explain to your wife the circumstances when and where you would need to see her again.    

Say ‘Sorry’

Your straying has hurt your partner and it does not matter whether it was a one-time fling or a long drawn out affair. However people do make mistakes and admit that you just made a huge one. Tell your wife that it was not your intention to hurt her and it came about because you were stupid enough not to put your relationship first. Also reassure your partner that such a thing will never happen again.

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Answer her questions

After you have come clean, your wife is bound to ask “why”. Answer calmly and clearly why you felt dissatisfied enough in your relationship to seek outside support. Examine the reason for your indiscretion to see whether you were looking for mere adventure or seeking to fill a vacuum in your relationship. However be careful not to justify your actions or make them out the result of your wife’s inadequacies, whether real or perceived, since this will only lead to an endless circle of accusations and counter-accusations. Admitting the reason why you strayed will assure your partner of your honesty and encourage her to come back to you.

Ask what is now expected of you

Let your wife state what she would like you to do to rebuild the trust that has been lost. Try to understand her point of view and empathize with her feelings of betrayal. Be prepared for a vast range of emotions, ranging from angry outbursts to giving you the silent treatment. See what changes you can bring about in yourself and your schedule to regain her trust. However if you feel that your wife’s expectations from you are not realistic, it is better to make things clear instead of starting another round of deceit and remorse.

Take noticeable steps to show you can change

However good intentions are never enough by themselves – they must be followed up by real action. If you do something to prove yourself to your partner, he or she will realize that your attempts at rebuilding trust are sincere. Try to bring about some positive change in your personality – for instance if you always had a problem with taking responsibility and couldn’t hold a job, then go out and get one. Or if you have been lazy around the house, make a committed effort to help with the chores.

See what you both can do to set things right

At the same time, marriage is teamwork and sooner or later your wife will also have to recognize her role and responsibilities in the relationship. No two people are perfect and every relationship has its weak spots. If it was a physical disconnect with your wife that drove you to someone else, explain clearly that you want a more intimate relationship. Suggest ways that will keep you romantically interested in each other. If on the other hand it was the result of increasingly differing priorities, examine what are the common rallying points in your relationship and put them first. This is a conversation that the two of you should have had much before which may have then prohibited you from seeking comfort elsewhere. But remember, better late than never. Moreover if your wife sees your sincerity in making amends, you have a better chance of regaining his or her trust.

Make up to her

Explore little ways of showing your love to your wife - like sending her a bunch of flowers at work or making her breakfast in bed. Initially your partner may still seem skeptical of these overtures but over time she is sure to be warmed by your attempts to make up. The essential thing is to keep trying to convince your partner that you really do care.

Have patience

Finally, keep in mind that your betrayal has been a rude shock to your wife. It has meant the violation of her deepest feelings of love and trust and all that cannot be renewed in a day. So be patient and take one day at a time. Rushing the process and expecting too much too soon will only confuse your partner further. Some days you may feel you have recovered a good deal of lost ground while at other times you may feel you have come to a dead end. The important thing is not to give up. If you believe you truly love your wife, then give her all the time needed to get over the hurt and come back to you again.