How to Stop Someone Stalking you

Stalking is one of the most common forms of sexual violence and yet goes largely unreported since victims often feel uncertain about their situation. Fears about appearing foolish or paranoid sometimes keep a victim silent until it is too late and his/her safety or even life is threatened. So if you believe you are being stalked, it is best not to waste time but do something about it promptly.

Be safe

The most important thing to focus on in your safety. Don’t hesitate to call 911 or get the police involved if you believe that your personal safety or those of your loved ones is clearly threatened. If you have been hesitating to contact law enforcement agencies for fear of appearing or sounding silly with your complaints, remember that the police have seen it all. Avoid minimizing your situation or fears to the police. Even if they are busy attending to hundreds of such cases in a week, keep in mind that a police officer would much rather spend time doing paper work on a stalking rather than paper work on a murder. And from your perspective, it is always a good idea to keep the law in the loop; even if your stalker has not directly harmed you, having your case on record with the authorities will stand you in good stead later when you might need concrete evidence to fall back upon.

Don’t be alone

In such cases, always assume as though your stalker is watching you all the time and thus behave accordingly. Don’t venture out, particularly at night or in isolated places without reliable company. If your stalker sees you alone, he/she is almost certain to follow you. Therefore have a friend or a flat-mate accompany you to the store, ATM, Laundromat, in fact wherever you go. A stalker is less likely to confront or harm you if another person is present with you.

Be ready

It is a good idea to be prepared for emergencies when the stalking behavior seems to get serious. Ensure that your gas tank is full and you always have some cash on you when you go out since you don’t want to be get stuck in an unfamiliar place with a stalker around. Keep a small bag packed and ready with a couple of day’s worth of clothes, toiletries, and medication in case you need to get away suddenly. Whether you are in or out, ensure that the doors and windows of your house are locked. Make a habit of locking the door as soon as you close it. Do the same when you are driving. If you need be, you can also add a dead bolt lock. Think of all the ways your stalker could have a key to your house, office, or car and then make sure that each possibility is firmly eliminated. Change the locks if you must. Light the outside of your house or apartment at night and make sure the bushes are cut low so that anyone lurking about is clearly visible from within the house.

Let others know

Stalking is a serious situation and you should not have to face it alone. Let your family and friends know what is going on with you. Tell everyone who this person is, what he/she is doing, and what you are doing to stop him/her. This will not only send out a clear signal to the stalker that there are people to keep you company but in fact your relatives can contact the police in case something untoward happens to you. It is important to let your landlord know about the stalker so that he/she cannot unwittingly give out any kind of information about you. If need be, tell your boss as well but also reassure him/her that the situation will not hamper your productivity at work.

Confront the perpetrator

It is necessary to let your reaction be clear from the start. Tell the stalker in no uncertain terms that this kind of behavior makes you feel uncomfortable and that it needs to stop – now. This is rather difficult when the stalker is known to you and you may hesitate for fear of appearing too rude or seeming unnecessarily paranoid. Towever remember that unlike you, the stalker does not feel constrained by the thought of social niceties; if he/she had been so, then they would not have been bothering you around in the first place. Thus you are entirely within your rights to tell the stalker to back off. Do this as far as possible before a friend who can act as a witness not only to the stalker’s unwanted attentions but also to your assertive reactions. If you convey any sort of message other than "NO WAY" to your stalker, he/she is going to assume you meant "keep trying" and maybe even think that secretly you like the attention.

Refuse calls

Persistent phone calls are one of the most common forms of stalking. If you stalker calls you, tell him you will not talk to him. Instead of saying "I can't talk to you", tell him clearly "I won’t talk to you." If your stalker is calling you on the phone, invest in Caller ID which will help you to identify any wanted callers. Many stalkers know that they can punch in a code to keep their name and phone number private. If possible, you can have calls marked "private" blocked. This way your stalker won’t be able to get through to you unless he/she is willing to divulge his name and phone number. However if the stalker starts using pay phones and if you can afford it, get a second phone line installed. Simply changing your number may not help since a stalker can get your new number, even if it is unlisted. If you get the second line, he may never know about it and will keep using the first line to call you. This way you will be able to avoid any unintentional phone contact with the stalker but at the same time you won’t miss any calls because your family and friends will have your private number to the second line.

Keep the evidence

Start collecting evidence of stalking even if you do not intend to take legal action right away. For instance save tapes of your phone’s answering machine to which the stalker has made calls. Keep a journal of every single thing that happens. Leave nothing out and include dates, times, witnesses and detailed instances of the stalking behavior. All these measures will not only help you to be firm about dealing with the situation but can help the law apprehend and convict the perpetrator.