Is he going to leave his wife for you or should you cut your losses?

One of the biggest worries facing women who date married men is not knowing what to believe. While their hearts might tell them to take delight in the affair, their heads might send warning signals on the emotional and practical viability of such a relationship. If you too are confused whether your boyfriend is ever going to leave his wife or if you should cut your losses, here are a few questions worth asking yourself.

1. Are you being used for sexual favors?
   
   One of the most common reasons why married men cheat on their wives is to explore variety in their sex lives. They may be largely satisfied in their marriages but keen to date other women on the sly as a way of making themselves feel more sexually desirable or more powerful. This boost to the ego that married men get while dating other women is a big attraction, never mind that you are being used as a mere tool in the process. If you think this is true of your partner, then maybe you should examine what is keeping you in this relationship. On the other hand if you truly believe that you are not being used for sex and that your partner is emotionally there for you whenever you need him, perhaps you need to ask what is tying him down to the marriage.
   
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2. Is his marriage really in trouble?
   
   This is the next logical question to consider if you are dating a married man. Perhaps the most-often used excuse for embarking on an extra-marital affair is that the marriage has gone bad. Husbands may seek comfort in other women citing the inability of their wives to “understand” their emotional or sexual needs or simply because they have fallen out of love with their spouses over time. Perhaps the man you are dating is, as he says, actually unhappy in his marriage or is unlucky enough to be stuck with a shrew.  At the same time use your own common sense to examine if his marriage is really in trouble or if he is using g the line merely to get you in bed with him. Look for clues like your partner’s eagerness to get home at the usual time despite his declaration that he could stay with you all night or an active social life where he and his wife often go out dining with friends, family and co-workers. Even though the very fact that the man has got himself involved in an extra-marital affair means that something must have been missing from his marriage, still this is not the same thing as a troubled marriage which is doomed to come apart even if he had not met you.
    
3. Would he leave his family for you?
   
   Despite the ease with which one can get a divorce these days, you will be surprised to know of the number of reasons why couples continue to stay married even though they are far from passionately in love with each other. Reasons can range from financial considerations like joint mortgage to practical ones like long years of familiarity and easy companionship. But by far the most important reason why couples do not separate is because of the kids. Perhaps your boyfriend is unhappy with the sex he is getting in his marriage but at the same time he may be inordinately fond of his kids and the practical comforts of having a well-run home. Or he may be in no mood to incur the legal and financial hassles of going through a divorce, no matter how happy he is in your company. So even if you are reasonably sure of the genuine warmth of his affections for you, there may be other factors which may prevent him from walking away from his marriage and family for your sake.
    
4. Are you being emotionally blackmailed?
   
   Are you being emotionally blackmailed to continue your relationship with a married man as a way of evading a supposed life of loneliness? Your partner may be playing on your insecurities and need for validation by making you feel as though you are far more attractive than his wife or that if you do not agree to be with him, all that you will be left with is an empty unfulfilled life when in truth he is merely using for his own sexual or emotional gratification. It is not like if you walk away from him, you will be doomed as a failure in personal relationships. Rather it will be an example of your emotional strength and mental resolve to regain control of your life. Remember if the guy really loves you, he will not use the relationship to emotionally blackmail you but appreciate your efforts in helping him do the right thing, both by his family as well as you.
5. Will he ever marry you?
   
   Even if your boyfriend decides to dissolve his marriage and leave his family, it does not necessarily mean that he will end up marrying you. The emotional and financial consequences of a divorce are so far-reaching that it may put him off marriage for a long time to come. In fact, after years of marital unhappiness, he may be more eager to savor the delights of being single again rather than getting tied down so soon. Besides this, as a consequence of his divorce – which may in turn have highlighted his peccadilloes with you – he may have been ordered to pay hefty amounts of alimony and child support thus leaving him without any scope of maintaining another wife or family. This is not to say that you don’t stand a chance of a long term commitment from your married boyfriend but only that there are many stages that need to be crossed before he can feel emotionally and financially ready to marry you again.

Dating married men is one of the most complicated situations that women can get themselves into. While there may be many men genuinely looking for a second chance at love, you must be certain of the reasons why you want to stay in this relationship rather than cut your losses and look for a more unfettered partnership.