Dating for Childless Single Parents

The dating scene with its half-said expectations, assumptions and pressures can get be confusing enough but things get much more complicated when there are kids involved and in each case the kind of complexities may vary; single parent bringing up kids on their own face challenges of one sort while those who have lost custody of their kids after divorce are perhaps fighting their own inner demons. For childless single parents, coming together to date can be fraught with complexities - but not entirely impossible with the following tips.

If you are a single parent

The primary obstacle to dating as a single parent is lack of time. You may want to go out for an evening of fun and frolic and even have fixed up a date, but there are more than a hundred things at home waiting to claim your attention – dinner has to be made, homework to be supervised, the groceries to be bought and most importantly a babysitter to be arranged. If indeed you manage to breeze through all these requirements and still go out for the evening only to discover that your date was a miserable experience, it all seems such a waste. And enough to put away any further thoughts of dating for some time. So be choosy about whom you are going to meet. Remember time is at a premium and you simply cannot afford to waste it by dating the ‘may-bes’ and ‘lets-give-it-a-trys’. Rather get to know your potential dates a little over the phone or email. Find out if they are indeed what you are looking for; if yes, go ahead with fixing up a date and if no, keep looking.

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If you are childless

Not having the daily responsibility of a child may leave you with comparatively more free time to look for dating partners – you can not only decide when to go out on dates but can even have potential partners over to your place. However if you are divorced or separated and have children but not bringing them up, the situation can usher in a separate kind of complexity. At times you may feel guilty about dating and going out while a former spouse is saddled with the responsibility of bringing up kids – a far deeper problem is when you are looking to dating as a way of filling up a lack, when you want to fill up your free time with dates as a way of combating the loneliness you feel at the loss of your kids. If this is the main reason why you are looking for dating opportunities, you are not only being dishonest with yourself but unfair to your date too who believes that the primary reason for you dating him/her is because he/she is fun and attractive and not because he/she merely fills a vacuum.

As a testimony to the complexity of human relationships, another kind of scenario is possible is when you are divorced and without custody of kids but the person you are dating is a single parent. Getting to know another family with kids when you are no longer in touch with your own can be a difficult experience – you may be hesitant to form bonds when you have just emerged after breaking one such set of ties or you may be attracted to this partner precisely because his/her kids satisfies your craving for the family you have lost.

Whatever the specifics of your situation, if you are dating and wish to connect with another person more or less romantically, then it is always better to do it from an emotionally healthy place. See that you have healed from any prior traumatic experience for instance widowhood or divorce which has made you a single parent; or perhaps a divorce or separation which has led to loss of your kids. If you start dating with a whole amount of emotional baggage from your previous relationships, things are bound to get difficult between you and your partner and neither of you will be enjoying this new relationship.

If you are single and childless but dating a single parent, always keep in mind that kids will definitely be part of the package. Your date may not be in a rush to introduce you to them but that does not mean that they are not a priority. When dating a single parent, off-the-cuff getaways, Saturday sleep-ins till close to noon and impromptu night-stays will be out of the question. There will always be anxious phone call on your date and sometimes you may even have to cancel or reschedule a date because your date’s kid is unwell or because the babysitter didn’t turn up. So go ahead with dating a single parent only if you are armed with patience and lots of understanding.

Be flexible

The key to dating for childless single parents is a great deal of flexibility. If neither you nor your partner needs to rush back to tuck a kid into bed, by all means go for the conventional movie and a dinner date. On the other hand if either of you is a full-fledged single parent, start out by going for mini-dates. Arrange to meet this person for a cup of coffee on a day when you can get off early from work. Or ring him/her up and ask if he/she would like to grab a bite with you during lunch break. In fact if find out that you both live in the same area, you could also arrange to meet him/her while you go for your early morning jog or do your shopping at the supermarket. Make use of these small opportunities to sound out a potential partner and then if you feel you want to know them better, by all means go on to a full-blown date.

Finally, head out to the dating world with a positive outlook. Understand that dating as a single parent, even though you may not have the daily responsibility of a child, is bound to be different from dating as a single. Don’t get caught up in unrealistic expectations from a partner who will unhesitatingly mould his/her life to your needs and priorities. But at the same time don’t shut yourself out from happier possibilities merely on account of fears that it will never work.