Dating a Single Dad

It is always something of a challenge to juggle an active professional and social life with some serious dating. However when your partner is a single dad, things get a wee bit busier not to mention complicated. Here are however a few tips and suggestions on dating a single dad and making a success of it.

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Learn to be flexible

Much like single moms, dads with primary custody of children are striving to balance work, home and kids. This effectively means that sometimes you might need to wait for another fifteen minutes while your partner dashes off parting instructions to the babysitter. On rare occasions there may even be last-minute cancellations of movie nights on account of an emergency at home.  This may seem difficult to accept, particularly if you have been looking forward to an intimate evening with your partner for the whole of the week. However the thing to remember is that with kids waiting at home, all plans are liable to change and that too at very short notice. So if you are serious about this person who is a single dad, you will have to learn to be flexible – date nights might not be as frequent or as lengthy as in the normal course of things and expressions of intimacy may have to be toned down when the kids are around.

Give him space

A single dad needs time not only to finish off his commitments at work, stock up the groceries at home and supervise the kids’ homework but also to relax after a hard day. So even if your partner has some free time at the end of the day or more likely, over the weekends, don’t expect him to be always ready to spend it in your company. As an individual, he needs to pursue his own interests or spend time with his buddies – doing whatever it helps him to unwind and refresh for another long round of multi-tasking at work and home.

Don’t rush a meeting with the kids

You may be the friendly type of girlfriend who is more than willing to meet her partner’s kids instead of pretending that they do not exist. However don’t push for a meeting since introducing his kids to the woman he is dating is a big step for a single dad – one which he will take only when he is assured that you are special and worth making part of his family. This is actually not the same thing as spending a night with him on your third date. His kids might be aware that their dad is dating, but if he is to introduce you to them properly, he needs to know that you are capable of fitting in. Keep in mind that your partner’s home is sanctuary for him and his kids and letting you come in and get comfortable is an important step which may take some time. By the same measure if you have been dating a single dad for quite some time now, say around four or five months, and he has said nothing about taking you home to meet his kids, it is likely that he wishes to you separate from his family life. Unless this is how you too prefer things to be between you and him, you may need to ask your partner about his intentions and then if necessary, move on.

Learn to fit in

Once your partner has introduced you to his kids and indicated that they all would love you to be part of their lives, it will be up to you to try and adjust. One of the most important things to remember while dating a single dad is that you are on your way to join a family that already exists – so don’t expect to establish the family dynamic or introduce new rules and rituals around the family dinner. Your boyfriend and his kids already have their own established way of doing things and they are not going to change it overnight merely on the strength of your suggestions. This is not to say that there should be no attempt on the part of the family to adjust to you but only that since you are the latest entrant, the onus of fitting in lies to a great extent on your shoulders.

Don’t strive to replace Mom

Remember that while dating a single dad, you are just a woman, albeit a special one, that Daddy is seeing and not a replacement for Mom. Your partner’s kids will always keep their supreme expression of love and devotion for their biological mom unless they have been at the receiving end of her violent or abusive behavior. So it would serve no point in trying to compete with your partner’s ex-wife or bribe the kids with treats into displaying more love for you. Her cakes will always be much softer and her touch, always more soothing to a fevered brow as far as the kids are concerned. So instead of getting jealous and locking yourself in a losing battle, make it clear that you are not here to replace mom but just as another adult member in the household and that if you all can get together, you might even end up as a larger and happier family.

Take it slow

Finally remember that not all single dads are looking for a new wife. If your partner has been raising his kids by himself for some time now, then it means that they are already used to each other as a family and doing quite a good job of it. In fact if you come on too strongly as the wife-in-making or smother the kids with your attention and gifts, you might even make everyone a little bit wary with your desperation to please. It would actually be a good idea to steer clear of single dads who are dating with the sole purpose of finding a new spouse. This most likely means that the person is unable to take care of his family and simply wants a housekeeper or someone to pay the bills instead of a life partner.

Despite all the challenges that come with dating a single dad, there is much to be said for them. They are employed, responsible, mature and by necessity a genius at multi-tasking – a combination of qualities difficult to come by among most of the guys out there.