The Advantages of Arranged Marriages

Arranged marriages for all their disavowal of individualistic notions like love and personal freedom continue to be practiced among large sections of population in the world. This is because not only of certain inherent advantages but also its adaptability to changing values. At the basic level, the parents or eldest male members of two families proceed through various stages of negotiations and eventually arrange the marriage of the girl and the boy from their respective families. Here are some reasons why arranged marriages continue to hold sway and even seem relevant in these times.

Cultural similarity

The primary advantage that the system of arranged marriage enjoys is a degree of cultural similarity between the two partner and their families. Since the bride and groom usually belong to the same religious, linguistic and caste group, they also tend to have the same value systems and life goals. All this makes it easier for a couple to make a new life together. When partners of different cultures come together, there are not only complex issues like values, spiritual beliefs and gender roles to be worked through but also apparently commonplace things like what to cook, eat and wear when living as a couple. When two people are newly married they have to get used to each other in the first place and additional differences in culture and religion could be extremely stressful – something that an arranged marriage does away with.

Financial balance

Arranged marriages are usually brought about between families which more or less belong to the same financial background. This works well in the long run since neither the bride nor the groom have to adjust to an entirely different level of resources. If someone is married into too rich a family, there could be potential for social awkwardness and embarrassment which may eventually prove difficult for the marriage. Likewise, marrying below oneself may result in excessive financial strain on the couple and again lead to conflict. When a marriage is arranged by the parents, a couple can be reasonably assured of continuing to live as they have been used to.

A comfortable degree of familiarity

One of the most important aspects of an arranged marriage is conducting a background check on the prospective partner. In the earlier days, this would primarily be the matchmaker’s responsibility who would be expected to be familiar with the financial and marital status of the bride or groom-to-be. Where families couldn’t afford professional matchmakers, the marriage proposal would be initiated by an elderly relative who would again be acquainted with both parties and hence knowledgeable about their fortunes and families. Indeed some large business and landowning families would dig into a larger network of contacts and kin members to confirm the financial and marital status of the proposed groom or bride for their child. Now with the disappearance of the professional village matchmaker, families have begun to hire private investigators or similar agencies to be doubly sure of the person and family they plan to get their child married to. The advantage of this system is that it leaves little room for lies and fraud in a marital alliance. On the other hand in online relationships or hasty love marriages, one can be rudely shocked to find out that a partner is really married or not yet legally divorced or is hugely debt-ridden. Indeed the familiarity of background in arranged marriages also ensures that you know certain past details about your prospective partner like a history of mental or physical illness or conflict with the law – details which is immensely difficult to find out about a stranger if they are not forthcoming themselves.

A ready-made support network

The primacy of families in arranged marriages also means that new couples have a strong support network in terms of personal and financial crisis. Whether the newlyweds are going through rough times in their relationship or need help with resources, they can count on their families to smooth things out. This is especially evident in times like the birth of a baby or the start of a new business when the couple need all the help they can get.

The system is adaptable

One of the main reasons why arranged marriages have continued to survive, and indeed thrive in countries like India, is that they have kept up with changes like greater personal freedom and geographical mobility. A pertinent example is the role played by the traditional village matchmaker who would bring marriage proposals to prospective families in the past. Today, owing to greater social mobility and breakdown of clan network, matrimonial agencies have taken over the job of finding suitable matches. In India, the services of these agencies are still hired by the parents and not the candidates unlike in the Western societies where a person looking for a life partner will directly approach professional matchmakers. Matrimonial columns in newspapers, online matrimonial sites and regular matchmaking agencies are some of the popular ways through which parents search for potential brides and grooms. The popularity of matrimonial websites in fact is evidence of the remarkable way in which an essentially traditional and conservative system like arranged marriage has adopted modern technology to maintain its continuity and relevance.

Couples start with minimum expectations

Proponents of arranged marriages often claim that societies that largely follow this system have vastly lower rates of divorces as compared to societies where marriages based on love are the norm. Even though the low divorce rates may be definitively linked to the many legal hassles in obtaining a divorce, still arranged marriages seem to score on the fact that couples begin a new life with minimum expectations of each other. Unlike partners is a love match, here spouses know that they have to adjust to a new way of life together and hence are more willing to make compromises – an important factor which contributes to long marriages. Spouses are willing to put up with a good deal more in arranged marriages as compared to love matches where personal choices rule and which may in the end goad a spouse to opt out of a marriage if things do not work out to his/her liking.

However social and gender experts point out that most of the ‘adjusting’ in an arranged marriage in traditional societies is done by the women. They have no or limited access to financial, legal and social resources which could have motivated them to leave unhappy marriages. Add to these the patriarchal basis of divorce law as well as the abysmally low rate of alimony and child support and it may be no wonder that women in these societies are willing to put up with much more than women in emancipated societies where love matches are a norm.

In the end however arranged marriages have several advantages which make it possible for individuals to find a life partner most compatible in financial and cultural terms and hence with high chances of success.