Dating a Cancer Survivor - Tips and Advice

It is only when something like cancer strikes that people realize the true value of so many things they take for granted. An active social life, for instance. And yet when someone survives the disease, it is all the more reason to live and love fully. Unfortunately dating a cancer survivor is generally seen as fraught with complexities, even though there may not always be reason to be worried; so if you have met someone who happens to have beaten back this monster, go ahead armed with the following tips of dating a cancer survivor.

Be informed

If you are dating a cancer survivor, it would help to know right from the start what this entails. Gather as much information as you can about the type of cancer your partner was diagnosed with as well as about the treatment regimen that he/she went through. There are various kinds of cancer, depending upon the system or body part affected as well as the seriousness of the disease. The treatment in turn is bound to have both short and long term consequences for the person. For instance it is likely that your partner has to avoid alcohol or certain kinds of foods in future, even if he/she is symptom-free for now. Arming yourself with all this information will help you to see what dating a cancer survivor involves and if you are prepared to go ahead.

Be prepared

Yet another advantage of being informed about your partner’s medical condition, past and present, is that you will be better prepared in case of an emergency. Even if your partner’s cancer is in remission or he/she is symptom free, there may be occasional bouts of sickness, maybe as a side effect of a medication or brought on by exhaustion. And if you know what to do during such an eventuality, it will help both you and your partner.

Be patient

Dating a cancer survivor will require you to be patient and understanding with your partner. There may be times when you just need to listen to your partner more attentively. Understand that he/she continues to deal with a storm of emotions, fears and anxieties and the first way you can help him/her through this is simply being there with him/her. If your partner feels like expressing all the tumult in his/her mind in words, just hold their hands and listen. Don’t try to talk them out of their emotions or offer immediate solutions. Merely the feeling of your company and the certainty that you will be there with her on this scary road will go a long way in making your partner feel better.

Show physical affection

One of the most devastating thoughts to assail cancer survivors is that they can no longer enjoy sex as before. They may even feel that are not as attractive as they used to be to members of the opposite sex. The best way you can assure your partner that you find him/her attractive is by showering them with physical affection. Hug and kiss your beloved as often as you can. Caress your girlfriend’s cheeks or give your boyfriend’s hand a romantic squeeze if you find them feeling down. This is even more important in case your girlfriend is a breast cancer survivor and has gone through a mastectomy which involves removal of the cancerous breast. A voluptuous bust is so much part of the popular notion of female sex appeal and indeed the very idea of feminity that a woman losing a breast might feel that she is somehow less than a woman now. At such times, your gestures of love will help your partner to have faith in your love and instead focus on the possibilities ahead.

Give humor a chance

Everyone knows that that the act of laughing is itself therapeutic. It makes us feel better immediately and helps those suffering to get better. This is for the simple reason you cannot laugh while feeling sorry for yourself. Seeing the humor in any situation brings relief and release. And even though the possibility of a return of the cancer may not seem worth smiling about, the very fact that your partner is a survivor should help you both see the positive side. When your partner is feeling unwell or waiting for the results of yet another diagnostic test, try to look for instances where you can crack a joke or say something funny. It will not only lighten the atmosphere but bring a smile to your partner’s lips and what’s more help you to keep the focus on healing and positivity.

Let yourself go once in a while

Cancer is a terrible disease and it is only natural to be overwhelmed by feelings of fear, uncertainty, loneliness and helplessness when your partner is still struggling with its consequences. Many find it difficult to cope with their partner’s experience of cancer, while keeping a normal demeanor in day-to-day life. However when in times of stress, sometimes it is better if partners of cancer survivors allow themselves to express their feelings, in tears if necessary. A good cry can make you feel better and let off a lot of bottled-up stress. In fact the car makes for a good private place to have an outburst when the going seems to get too tough. And if you find it increasingly difficult to cope with the extra demands and adjustments required in this relationship and yet you don’t want to let your partner go, by all means explore the option of therapy or counseling

Look at the positive side

Instead of focusing too much on your partner’s experience of the disease – and maybe continuing effects, like medication, - look at the positive side. Consider the fact that battling and defeating cancer has made your partner stronger and wiser, and that in the end these qualities make for happier relationships. This will also prevent you from sticking it out simply because you feel pity for your partner. Above all being a cancer survivor makes your partner special in that he/she has more to offer in a relationship. Such a person is more likely to appreciate fulfilling relationships and invest greater amount of time and effort in nurturing them.