Reasons Why one Partner Wants Sex More Often than the Other

One of the most common causes of a troubled relationship is a lack of sexual harmony. This usually results in a situation where one partner wants sex more often than the other. Unfortunately even though sex is not vital to the success of a relationship, the inability of both partners to agree on this issue often leads to their drifting away from each other till they may eventually breakup. If you find yourself looking a similar scenario, here are the most common reasons why your sex drive may differ from that of your partner.

Natural tendencies

Some people just want it more than others - it’s as simple as that. It has nothing to do with how one partner is merely carnal and the other is no longer interested in the relationship. It is easy to blame the other person for lack of sexual harmony rather than accepting that two people may have naturally differing sex drives just as perhaps one of them can do with less amount of sleep than the other. The reason why this difference in sex drives appears later in a relationship is because in the beginning, both partners are keen to please the other and are willing to adjust their natural inclinations to that of their partner. Over time however, the tendency to generosity lessens and couples are less eager to fall in step with each other’s natural desire patterns.

Workplace pressures

If a person is putting in twelve-hour workdays and commuting for another two to three, it is obvious that the only thought in his/her mind at the end of the day is of sleep. The other partner may be lucky to have a workplace closer to home or may have fewer pressures at work. In such a situation it is natural for the latter to feel neglected by a partner who comes home just to have dinner and then crash for the night. The only way around this is to reprioritize work commitments for the busy partner and for the other to be more supportive or find things to occupy their leisure time.

Domestic responsibilities

It is a fallacy to think that someone who does not have day job is not ‘working’. Managing a household all by oneself is equally if not more exhausting. A person who leaves to work for the day need not wake up an hour before to get breakfast ready or go to bed an hour later in the night after doing the dishes and tucking in the kids. It is common for a stay-at-home partner to be overwhelmed with domestic chores and outdoor responsibilities - like picking up the groceries and visiting the bank - so much so that the thought of sex is the last thing on their minds. And when faced with lack of appreciation for all that they do, they may feel even lesser inclined to cozy up to their partners.

Parenthood

Bringing up kids is a hugely exhausting affair and when the lion’s share of this responsibility falls on one parent, he or she is left with little time and even less inclination for sex. Kids not only need to be fed, clothed, dropped and picked up to and from school but their homework, parties and playtime needs to be supervised as well. Add to these emergencies when a kid wakes up with fever in the middle of the night or need to picked up from piano lessons because their car pool didn’t turn up. So whether a partner is a stay-at-home parent or struggling to balance work and family, when bearing the chunk of parenting responsibilities, it is perhaps natural for him/her to want sex less often than the other partner who has fewer family commitments.

Physiological causes

Very often physiological changes in the body have a negative impact on a person’s libido so that couples may find their sex drives differing from one another. Pregnancy and lactation are known to release certain hormones which make women want lesser sex at these times. Similarly the birth of a child and the burden of infant care may put new mothers off sex till their bodies have healed and are stronger. Premenstrual syndrome and menopausal changes are other conditions which may lead to a loss of libido in women. Among men a fall in the levels of testosterone, arthritis, heart conditions and other health problems may cause them to want sex less often. Sometime weight issues and changes in body size can also be at the root of sexual disharmony. A person who has piled on weight may imagine him/herself to be unattractive or may actually turn off his/her partner.

Medication

There are various types of drugs whose after effects may cause a loss of libido. Thus the partner taking such medication may want lesser sex while the other person may not be able to understand this waning of desire. Ask you healthcare provider of the impact on your sex life if you or your partner are taking birth control pills, antidepressants, sedatives, anti-seizure drugs or painkillers.

Sex problems

Every couple in a long relationship goes through ups and downs in their sex lives. Some of the most common causes of sexual dysfunction in men are premature ejaculation and inability to attain an erection while absence of sexual orgasm or lack of intimacy may hamper sexual pleasure among women. And when sex becomes problematic for a partner, it is natural for him/her to want it lesser than the other person. In fact sexual monotony can also makes sex less enjoyable for a partner with the result that he/she wants it more or less often than the other.

Life changes

Sometimes major life changes have the potential to negatively impact one’s sex life. A loss of job, death of a parent, a mid-life crisis or guilt from an extra-marital affair can put a person off sex, much to the bewilderment of his/her partner. In such a situation the latter needs to be supportive and keep the channels of communication open. Only when two people are tuned together in their emotional lives, can their sex lives thrive as well.