When you are Dating Someone with Erectile Dysfunction

Dating is the most popular way to explore chances of a relationship with a potential partner. Sometimes though a person may be fun and attractive on the outside but within can come with issues which are potential deal-breakers. One of these is sexual dysfunction and in men, it commonly takes the form of erectile dysfunction. So if you are a woman and find yourself dating something with erectile dysfunction, there are a few things you can keep in mind.

Look into your reasons for dating

If you find yourself dating a man with erectile dysfunction, instead of giving him the boot as soon as you learn about his condition, take a step back and reconsider your reasons for dating in the first place. Ask yourself if you are looking for companionship with a guy who shares your interests and likes to hang out the way you do or if you are dating to find someone who can be a husband and a father in the not-so-distant future. In case it is the latter, then there is no doubt that your date’s erectile dysfunction could translate into a major issue; however if it is the former and you are not really dating to have sex, then his sexual dysfunction may not have a significant impact on your relationship. However it is worthwhile keeping in mind that relationships are always in flux – you may have started out with only a desire for platonic companionship but then find yourself demanding more in the relationship. Under such circumstances, your date’s erectile dysfunction can cause distress on both sides – to you for not satisfying your sexual demands and to your date, for being lead into an intimate situation even though you already knew about his dysfunction.

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What is your date like?

Here you are thinking that you have met the man of your dreams and you can almost hear wedding bells ringing when a spontaneous passion jolts you to the bitter truth about his erectile dysfunction. Under such circumstances it may be better to consider the man as a whole – see what he else he brings to your life rather than focus on the only thing that he cannot do. For instance if your date is a guy who has a steady job, makes you  laugh, shares your interests, brings you just-because flowers and even rolls up his sleeves for the dishes post a dinner date at home, he may just be worth sticking around for. On the other hand if you find your date no different from the many other guys you have dated and you do not feel that he particularly meets your relationship priorities, then you can ease yourself out of this sticky situation with little or no guilt.

Find out the cause

If you believe that your date is worth investing time and effort over, then you can take some steps to find out if the erectile dysfunction is something that can be fixed. In order to get to the bottom of his problem you need to examine the factors that could be causing it. Medical experts believe that there are two kinds of causes for erectile dysfunction. The first is physical and includes past injuries or medical conditions like diabetes which may be inhibiting an erection. Sometimes a long forgotten injury to the groin during contact sports or even a great deal of pressure in competitive cycling can manifest as erectile dysfunction.

The other group of factors causing an erectile dysfunction is psychological. Your date could be worried about pleasing you sexually or that he is not attractive enough for you – such anxiety is usually known as performance anxiety and is a common enough cause of erectile dysfunction. Other than this, he could be under stress of other kinds like pressures at the workplace or an illness of a close family member which in turn could be hindering his normal sexual functioning. Among the many symptoms of male mid-life crisis is erectile dysfunction and this could be true of your date also. The reason for this may be two-fold – one, your man is grappling with physical changes like lower levels of testosterone and two, he may be feeling more stressed and anxious than before. Again if you find that your date is able to have erections at other times of the day, especially early morning,  but fails in an intimate setting with you, then the problem is not physical – you and your man could have a relaxed chat about what is bothering him and what you can do to ease his anxieties.

Ideally though it is a doctor who is best equipped to diagnose and suggest treatment for erectile dysfunction. A medical expert can not only identify whether the cause for your date’s condition is physiological or psychological but he/she can help your relationship get back on track too. If the condition is primarily physiological, medications and sexual aids may help. On the other hand your partner may be advised to go through therapy if the cause is mainly psychological. In very severe cases of erectile dysfunction, both the man and his partner may be required to go through counseling.

What you can do

For your part, the best way to deal with your date’s erectile dysfunction would be to be patient with him and take pleasure in just being close to each other without the pressure of having sex. Conventional wisdom has brought about an either/or attitude towards sex in relationships. Either you have sexual intercourse in your relationship or you don’t have a relationship at all. In fact, there is a lot that couples can do to enjoy intimacy with each other. Hugging and kissing your partner regularly will help you to remain physically connected. For special occasions, take a shower together or pamper your spouse with a sensual massage. Spend leisurely evenings with some soft music and aromatic candles around. All these ways will help you to take pleasure in physical intimacy without the pressure to engage in sex and who know, just this openness may help your man to get over whatever has been bothering him. Even if it doesn’t, it will help you to remain connected on a basic, intimate level which is ultimately what is important in a relationship.