When your Partner Doesn't Like Oral Sex

Sexual desire is one of the most natural feelings among adult humans. It can however be the site of extreme complexity too due to the likes and dislikes of two entirely different people. So if you prefer oral sex but find that your partner is less than forthcoming on the practice, here are few things you can do.

Take it easy

Ideally couples should have a frank discussion about sexual likes and dislikes at around the time they are thinking of taking their relationship to a more intimate level. However in reality, such forethought is rare to come by and couples are more likely to find out about clashing preferences while making love that during a calm chat beforehand. If this is what has happened to you and in the heat of the moment your desire for oral sex has been rebuffed, back off and let it go. At that very instant, focus on something else that makes for mutual pleasure and love. It is not a good idea to force your partner to do something that he/she is unwilling to – apart from smacking of selfishness, your insistence will be a sure way of dousing the fires of passion, and put an end to whatever fun you were having.

TIP: Download the guide to giving a woman multiple orgasms.

Plan to have a chat

At the same time though, you are completely justified in voicing your preference of a particular sexual act; if oral sex is what you like and what gives you great pleasure, you are entirely within your rights to express your desire. However the only reasonable way to convey your desires is to have a discussion beforehand. It would be best to go over with yourself what you wish to say to your partner before discussing it with him/her; so sit down in a calm frame of mind and go over the issue yourself. How can you encourage your partner to try out oral sex without making him/her feel inadequate or putting him/her on the defensive? Be as honest as possible with yourself and try not to see your partner as the source of all your frustration of dissatisfaction. Once you are able to clarify the issues in your own mind, you will find it easier to talk about them with your partner.

Choose the right moment to talk

Knowing when to talk is as important as knowing what to talk about. Avoid bringing up the matter when your partner is busy with work commitments or stressed out about something else. Choose a time when the two of you are least likely to be disturbed or distracted. Also keep in mind that the appropriate moment to bring up a sexual preference will depend on the nature of your request. For instance pointing out how you would like to try out oral sex just when your partner is about to get comfortable in the missionary position may not be the right way to go about it. Rather bring up the matter before you start getting intimate with one another so that your partner is left some reaction time to consider your request.

Be specific

Yet another important ground rule for having a discussion on sexual likes and dislikes is to be as specific as possible. Avoid making generalized or absolute statements like “you always do this” or “I can never agree to this” which are neither accurate nor helpful. Rather be clear that you would like to focus on a particular area, in this case oral sex, and you would like greater involvement from your partner. If you find him/her making vague or sweeping statements, ask specific questions to clarify the issue and find out the exact cause of his/her reluctance.

Seek a middle ground

Once you have managed to identify the cause of your partner’s reluctance in exploring oral sex, you have a better chance to address the issue. Avoidance of oral sex could range from be due to several reasons, ranging from concerns of hygiene to worry about STDs and in some cases even objection on religious grounds. If you feel that your partner does not like to give or receive oral sex due to hygiene issues, make a leisurely scented bath part of your foreplay. Likewise if your partner is reluctant to try out oral sex because of fears of contracting a sexually transmitted disease like genital herpes or genital warts, getting yourselves tested and pointing out to the negative will hopefully put his/her fears at rest. Sometimes a reluctance towards oral sex can simply be a matter of not knowing much about it all – if this is true of your partner, invite him/her to explore sexual tips and techniques on oral sex; in fact you can incorporate reading or viewing of such material into your foreplay and make way for a good time.

Look for alternatives

If your partner is remains staunchly opposed to your desire for exploring oral sex, there is little you can do to change his/her mind. On such occasions for you can try self-stimulation and in fact these days there are many sex aids available that may give you a similar kind of pleasure. If you feel that it is absolutely important for you to experience oral sex in your relationship, then you can encourage your partner to accompany you to a therapist who can not only explore the reasons and remedies for your partner’s reluctance but better still, suggest alternatives which may be appealing to you both.

Finally, don’t use sex as a battleground. Avoid using your preference for oral sex and your partner’s reluctance on the matter as an excuse to thrash out other issues affecting your relationship. For instance if you request your partner to give you oral sex and he/she demurs, then you may be tempted to lash out by saying that this is just like him/her – being selfish in the relationship and never considering your feelings like the time when he/she went ahead and planned the beach holiday, knowing full well that you don’t like the sun. So, even though your sex life is inextricably linked to other aspects of your relationship, using it to fight over other relationship issues is unlikely to help either.