How Soon Should you Call after the First Date?

So now that you have sailed through the first date, the next question that pops up is when would be the right time to call her. This is rather tricky because calling her up too early may make you appear desperate whereas putting it off for a while might signal disinterest to a partner. Here are a few factors that you might take into consideration before picking up that phone.

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How did your first date go

To a large extent, the correct time to call after a first date would depend on how the evening in question was for the two of you. If you both hit off well and your date had a visibly good time with you, you can explore the prospect of calling her up within the next forty-eight hours. However for this you need to be sure that your first date went off well as much for your partner as it did for you. To gauge this you can think about whether your partner was actively conversing with you and maintaining eye contact through the evening or she was looking around distractedly and yawning as you went towards the car. Also try to remember whether your date seemed nervous and excited when you parted ways at her door or did she bid you an abrupt ‘good night’ and slip indoors quickly. If the answers to the former halves of both the above questions is a yes then there is little doubt that your date was as great for your partner as it was for you. And if so, there is no point in playing the waiting game and by all means you should call her up the following day – or the next at the latest – and tell her how much you enjoyed the date.

If on the other hand the first date did not go as well as you had hoped it would, you can allow some time to elapse before making the call, say for instance four to five days. A first date comes with its own share of anxieties and stress-factors; so it is not necessary that first date success is a sign of real compatibility. When two people are going out for the first time as partners, there is a great deal of pressure to look their best, be a successful conversationalist and a charming partner, all rolled in one. No wonder then conversation during a first date often seems forced or both partners are too tensed to be their normal attractive selves. If the same thing happened to you and you think it was because of first date jitters, probably you would like to give this thing another chance. But before rushing to pick up that phone and asking her for a second date, consider how much do you actually have in common with your partner. Perhaps you share the same family values or dream of achieving similar things in life. Mutual interests like music, sports, travel could also be great ways to bind a couple together. If you share a common sense of humor, that too is great. If you sincerely believe that you both would enjoy getting to know each other better, then there is no harm in giving yourselves another chance. However instead of ringing up your partner right the day after your first date, let some time, say four to five days, elapse before you initiate contact; and if the response you get is good enough, you can plan your second date a few days after that. This will let your companion get over the experience and offer some perspective. If you call too soon after a bad first date, there is greater chance of her reactions being colored by the previous far-from-happy experience. At the same time, if you are too late and she may assume that because things were less than perfect the first time, you have already moved on. Once you call up your partner, talk to her about everyday things and casually mention if she would like to meet up again. You could even make a small joke about your last date and say that you are looking forward to presenting a more attractive part of yourself this time. However keep the tone light and friendly and if you sense a hesitation on the part of the other person, it would be best not to press the matter.

Sometimes it could be that after a first date, you are certain if you have nothing in common with a person and you don’t foresee yourself going out with her anytime soon. Even in such a scenario it would not really be courteous to go silent on a woman, especially if you have mentioned at the end of the first date that you’ll call her. Rather ring her up after, say, three days and thank her for taking out the time to spend with you. Don’t mention anything about hoping to see her again but politely sign off wishing her all the best for the future.

Who should make the first call

According to dating convention, men are traditionally expected to make the first call after the first date. Women, even if she may have had a good time on the first date, fear that initiating contact would make them appear too sexually forward or desperate for a lover. Also she may wonder if the guy is dating others so that even after she gathers courage and makes the call, she may be greeted by a female voice saying, “Just a sec, I’ll get him”; this is disconcerting to say the least, if not downright heartbreaking. Men on the other hand may put off calling, since the person who initiates the call after a first date is assumed to be the one taking charge of the course of the ‘relationship’. So how long you wait after the first date before calling up your partner is more often than not determined by social niceties or dating convention. Though now, with changing times women are more comfortable about taking the initiative, especially if they feel that there is potential for a relationship.
At the same time reserved or sensitive men are relieved if they find their partners making the crucial post-first date call.

So there are no definite rules about the right interval between the first date and the first call after that date. A good guideline is anything between forty-eight hours to four days within which you should call up your date and thank her for the evening, if not for anything else. In the end, it is best to be guided by mutual dynamics when deciding when you should make that call and what should come next.