How Soon Should you Go on a Second Date?

So now that you have got past the first date nerves, the next question that pops up is whether you should see this person again and if so, what would be the right time to schedule a second date. This is rather tricky because meeting up for the second time too early may make you appear desperate whereas putting it off for a while might signal disinterest to a partner. Here are a few factors that you might take into consideration before picking up that phone.

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How did your first date go

To a large extent, the correct time to plan a second date depends on how your first date went. If you both hit off well and your date had a visibly good time with you, you can explore the prospect of meeting up again as early as after a week. However for this you need to be sure that your first date went off well as much for your partner as it did for you. To gauge this you can think about whether your partner was actively conversing with you and maintaining eye contact through the evening or he/she was looking around distractedly and yawning as you went towards the car. Also try to remember whether your date seemed nervous and excited when you parted ways at her/your door or did he/she bid you an abrupt ‘good night’ and slip indoors quickly. If the answers to the former halves of both the above questions is a yes then there is little doubt that your date was as great for your partner as it was for you. And if so, there is no point in playing the waiting game and by all means you should meet each other again soon.

How much do you have in common

A first date comes with its own share of anxieties and stress-factors; so it is not necessary that first date success is a sign of real compatibility. When two people are going out for the first time as partners, there is a great deal of pressure to look their best, be a successful conversationalist and a charming successful partner, in all. No wonder then conversation during a first date often seems forced or both partners are too tensed to be their normal attractive selves. If the same thing happened to you and you think it was because of first date jitters, probably you would like to give this thing another chance. But before rushing towards a second date, consider how much do you actually have in common with your partner. Perhaps you share the same family values or dream of achieving similar things in life. Mutual interests like music, sports, travel could also be great ways to bind a couple together. If you share a common sense of humor, that too is great. If you sincerely believe that you both would enjoy getting to know each other better, then there is no harm in planning a second date. However instead of ringing up your partner right the day after your first date, let some time, say four to five days, elapse before you initiate contact; and if the response you get is good enough, you can plan your second date a few days after that. If the first date did not go particularly well, maybe your partner needs some time to get a better perspective of things. Too soon and he/she may say no outright; too late and he/she may assume that because things were less than perfect the first time, you have already moved on. Once you call up your partner, talk to him/her about everyday things and casually mention if he/she would like to meet up again. You could even make a small joke about your last date and say that you are looking forward to presenting a more attractive part of yourself this time. However keep the tone light and friendly and if you sense a hesitation on the part of the other person, it would be best not to press the matter.

Who should make the first call

Interestingly it is not always mutual attraction or shared interest which eventual determines when you can go on a second date. In many cases it is a matter of dating convention or social niceties which prevents a partner from picking up the phone and plan a second meeting. It is traditionally expected that men make the first call after the first date. Women, even if she may have had a good time on the first date, fear that initiating contact would make them appear too sexually forward or desperate for a lover. Also she may wonder if the guy is dating others so that even after she gathers courage and makes the call, she may be greeted by a female voice saying, “Just a sec, I’ll get him”; this is disconcerting to say the least, if not downright heartbreaking. Men on the other hand may put off calling, since the person who initiates the call after a first date is assumed to be the one taking charge of the course of the ‘relationship’. So how long you wait after the first date before planning the second one will depend to a great extent on how long after the first date you get talking to each other. With changing times women are more comfortable about taking the initiative, especially if they feel that there is potential for a relationship. At the same time reserved or sensitive men are relieved if they find their partners making the crucial post-first date call.

So there are no definite rules about the right interval between the first and second date. A good guideline is anything between a week to a fortnight before you venture seeing a person for the second time. In the end, it is best to be guided by mutual dynamics when deciding whether and when you should go on a second date.