How to Make Friends When you're Shy

Making friends for shy people can very often be an intimidating experience since new relationships – especially personal ones – involve reaching out to others. For someone who is an introvert, the whole business of getting out of the comfort zone and making the first move can be quite unnerving, if not actually frightening. So if you are a naturally shy person but keen to make friends, here are a few tips on doing it with minimum of anxiety.

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Make an effort to mingle more

People who are introverts end up having an extremely tight social circle, comprising of perhaps a couple of old friends and the same number of people from work. If the same applies to you, make an effort to join activities which will bring you in contact with a wider variety of people. For instance if you know of a neighbor organizing a Christmas cookie party for children, offer to bake batch of the peanut cookies you are famous for or help along with the shopping. This will not force you to open conversation with people from your neighborhood but at the same time, it will help you to be around people so that if you see someone you like, you can approach him. Again if your co-workers are planning a picnic during the holiday season, don’t automatically say ‘no’ since you know all your colleagues. Even if there are going to be mostly familiar faces, consider the fact that they might bring along guests and friends; all this could turn an office picnic into a good opportunity of meeting new people as well.

Try something new

Shy people often tend to stick to interests which are private in nature and do not require any teamwork or even a partner to pursue. As such, things like find stamp-collecting or gardening often figure as the most preferred leisure activities among shy men and women. While there is nothing wrong in doing things alone, you also need to explore interests which allow you to do things with other people. How about joining a bowling league where you can play as part of a team or even a book club where members meet regularly to have book readings or discuss reviews. Again if you have a bent for music, consider signing up for a dance class. Such hobbies are not only enjoyable in themselves but great for bringing people from various backgrounds and professions together. Best of all a common hobby will automatically offer itself as a topic for interesting conversation so you need not start sweating at the prospect of making small talk while making a friend.

Get out of your comfort zone

While it is understandable for a shy person to want to remain within her comfort zone, if you are to enlarge your social circle, sooner or later you will have to be more adventurous. There are only so many people you can meet at a language class or in your neighborhood gym. If you do want to have a more active social life, you need to try out venues and activities beyond the pale of the familiar. For instance, join a hiking group during a spell of good weather and even if you are not much of an outdoor person, you may end up making several new friends. Again you may have never got onto a stage in your life, but just this once be bold and sign up for a theater workshop. Besides the fact that you will get to come across lots of new faces, who knows you may even discover a hitherto-unknown talent for acting in yourself.

Brush up your conversational skills

Even if you meet someone you would like to know better, if you are the shy sort, the prospect of making small talk can seem terrifying. While some people seem to have a flair for this conversational art, the good news is that the basics can be learnt and you definitely get better at it with practice. Most often the simplest approach works best. Be the first to say ‘hello’ and accompany it with a sincere smile. As social beings, people are conditioned to respond positively to civil overtures and most likely you will find the person before you doing the same. Introduce yourself clearly so that people know who they are talking to. Yet another way of opening a conversation is to find something in common. Make a statement or ask a question on something about the event or location that you have in common. For instance at a party you could ask a guest how he/she knows your host.  Or at a professional networking event, you could begin with a general remark and then move on to a relatively open-ended question like “this year, attendance seems to be pretty high? How long have you been coming to these conventions?” Finally have a few exit lines ready so that you and your conversation partner can gracefully move on. You could offer to refresh their drink or excuse yourself by saying, “I see a client/an old friend over there and I’d like to say hello to him”.

Pay attention to your body language

People who are ill at ease often make others uncomfortable as well, thus effectively putting an end to any chances of a pleasant talk. Adopt a relaxed posture but don’t slouch. Even if you are nervous within, avoid drumming your fingers on the table, fidgeting with your tie or hair or shaking your leg. If you display such behavior, your listener might construe them as signs of boredom or anxiety on your part and be inclined to make a hasty retreat.

Ask to be introduced

If there is someone particular at the gathering that you especially want to meet but are too shy to go up to, one of the best ways to go about it would be to be introduced by your host. If it is a general get-together, look for mutual friend or acquaintance that the person respects and then ask him or her to do the honors.

You win some, you lose some

Fear of failure is the main reason why shy people find it difficult to go out and make new friends. But once you learn to take failure in your stride, things will become much easier. Despite your best attempts to make friends, you may find that some of them are unimpressed by you, some will be patronizing while some will genuinely like you. At the same time, also be wary of wearing you heart on the sleeve. Keep in mind that you are here to make friends and that you are perfectly entitled to have a varied social life. Just because someone is the first to be nice to you doesn’t mean that you need to settle down into an exclusive relationship with him/her. This is something that shy people are often vulnerable to and you need to be completely sure about your priorities before you decide to commit yourself to any single person.