When He Says he Needs a Break from Dating

It may come as a punch to your gut, when your boyfriend suddenly announces that he needs a break from the relationship. It is easy to assume that he is walking out on you but he may not necessarily mean that. Here are a few tips on how to respond to your boyfriend’s decision and keep all options open.

Keep your cool

The worst possible way to react to your boyfriend taking a break is to throw a tantrum over the issue. Naturally you are hurt and angry at his decision and you would probably be tempted to cry,  plead or threaten him into staying. This will not only make you come across as needy and desperate but also make him feel justified in moving away from you. Instead when your boyfriend announces that he is thinking a break from dating, listen calmly and carefully to what he has to say. If he has not clearly spelled out what made him take the decision, you may find important clues in his words.

A desire for space

There are several reasons why men sometimes wish to draw back and re-evaluate their relationship and none of these may have to do breaking up permanently. There are some personalities who need more personal space than others and if you have been doing too much too soon since the day you met, perhaps your date wants to take things a little slow. If your boyfriend is private person and fiercely possessive about him independence, he may just want to take a break from all those lunch dates, intimate dinners and weekend picnics with you. Also it is possible you may have been trying too hard and now he is feeling overwhelmed by your attention and simply want some time by himself. Then again there are guys who have commitment issues and if you have been talking about making things more permanent, he may have got cold feet.

How have you been treating him?

If your boyfriend feels that he has been giving more to the relationship than getting from it, he may want to take a break. Like women, even guys need to be cherished and appreciated by their partners and if he finds himself being treated just a little better than your old sock, he is bound to re-examine him priorities. Likewise see if you have been hesitant about committing yourself into a long-term relationship while your boyfriend probably expected to hear wedding bells ringing sometime soon. Announcing that he needs a break may be him way to telling you that he wants you to decide on your commitment and decide fast!

If none of the above reason ring true, then probably taking a break is your boyfriend’s way of saying goodbye to you. He may be too timid or anxious to let it out bluntly that hopes that you will understand that he is really walking out on you.

Talk to him

However the best way to make matters clear is simply to ask your boyfriend what he means by taking a break and what has prompted him to do so. Be prepared for some plain talking once you set out to do this as your boyfriend may use this opportunity to bring up any issues that have been bothering him or your relationship. In fact talking to him may be of use even if he says this is not a final goodbye. As you discuss this break from dating, be clear on the ground rules. For instance is he taking a break from dating in general and setting off to travel or do something else, or does he wish to bring in some space specifically between you two. Also ask him if he has any idea on how long the “break” will last – a couple of weeks or a couple of months. It is not really wise to leave the break open-ended as it may keep either of you hopeful of a return. Also suggest a meeting when the period of the break is over so that you both know where the relationship stands.

Yet another aspect of the break you need to clarify with your boyfriend is whether during this period either of you are allowed to see other people. And to what extend could “seeing” go. No matter how liberal your boyfriend may seem on this point, if you truly wish him to come back, don’t go berserk with you new-found freedom and end up making out with the first man who comes your way. If your boyfriend finds out about this, you can be sure the break will turn out to be a permanent one.

Stick to a no-contact rule

If your boyfriend says that needs time to think things over, make sure that you completely stop seeing each other for the said period.  If the break has to serve its purpose, it needs to be a proper break. Neither of you will be able to re-evaluate your priorities if you are calling up or mailing each other ten times a day.

Don’t go on a rebound

When your boyfriend says he needs to find some space, you may be tempted to start seeing other guys immediately, just to make him realize that there are other fish in the sea. However if you start dating too soon, especially with a particular man, your boyfriend may assume that you are already over him and there is no point in coming back. On the other hand, you don’t want him to get the impression that you have nothing better to do than sit at home and mope about the break. So go out with friends to a catch a football game or join an adventure sports club. You will be able to take your mind off the break in your relationship without hurting your chances of being together again.

Do some thinking

Use the time of the break to reflect on what and how much this relationship means to you. Consider your past behavior and see if you may have hurt or neglected your boyfriend in some way so as to make him want to draw back. See if there is a mismatch in expectations from the relationship. Perhaps you or your boyfriend wants a higher level of commitment from the other than each of you are prepared to give. Think about all aspects of your relationship and towards the end of the break see how you feel about him and your being together
Every relationship goes through a period where one of the partners may feel the need to take some time off. This can be taken positively as an opportunity to re-evaluate priorities or can be seen as a sign of going separate ways. What path you eventually take depends on how you and your partner decide to resolve your relationship issues.