When your Boyfriend Won't Spend Time with you

This is a scenario which most women come across, sometime or other in their relationships – a partner who is too busy - or appears to be so - to spend time with you. While this period of disinterest is most common once you are past the initial excitement of a relationship, there may be other causes too why a boyfriend seems to ignore you. Here are a few things to keep in mind when your boyfriend is unwilling to spend time with you.

Find mutual interests

The most benign kind of disinterest in a partner usually comes in the plateau phase of a relationship. This is the time when you both have crossed the period of sexual attraction and have more or less discovered all that there is to know about each other. The eagerness and curiosity about a mate which marks a budding relationship is thus no longer there. While you could not bear to be apart for even a couple of hours in the early days, now your boyfriend does not seem to mind even if you have not met for a whole day. The best way to remedy such a situation is to participate in hobbies and activities that both you and your boyfriend enjoy. Think about all the things that brought you together in the first place – it could have been a fascination for adventure sports or a love of early twentieth century American poetry. Find ways you can rediscover your enthusiasm for mutual interests. Get tickets to a game if you had met at a stadium or talk of going on a wine-tasting tour if you both enjoy fine wines. Participation in common hobbies will encourage your boyfriend to hang out more with you and eventually you may be able to rekindle the spark which had begun to burn low.

Make an effort to learn more about his interests

If your boyfriend seems to stay away from you on account of a hobby or interest that you do not share, try to find more about his likes. Many women complain about being neglected during the football season or over weekends when partners go golfing. You may not be particularly enthusiastic about your boyfriend’s favorite sport or his comedy-club nights, but there is no harm in making a little effort to know more about them. Try to learn a little more about golfing rules or the way Lebanese cuisine is prepared and you may even find yourself warming up to your partner’s hobbies. Even if you do not take to them personally, doing a bit of research on his interests will offer ways of getting him to talk to you. And in the end, no kind of knowledge goes to waste. You may be surprised how an anecdote about soccer legend Pele or deep-sea fishing statistics may impress your boss or a potential client at work.

Be pleasant when he is around you

Even if you cannot get your boyfriend to increase the time spent with you, let the time you are with each other be a nice experience for him. If you keep nagging at him for ignoring you or launch a barrage of questions on why he doesn’t hang out with you any more, your boyfriend will pull away even more. So try to be happy and pleasant when he is around. Smile a lot and hum a couple of favorite tunes. Once he realizes how much fun it is to be around you, he may start doing it pretty regularly.

Be independent

One of main reasons why men start ignoring their girlfriends is because they are put off by women who are needy and clingy. If you find that lately you have depending on your boyfriend for all your social interactions, then maybe you are driving him away by your neediness. So get back in touch with your girlfriends and make plans to go to a movie or hang out at a club with them. Apart from being relieved that you will not drag him to another boring museum or theatrical performance, your new independence may even pique his interest enough to know what you have been doing with your time.

Cultivate your own interests

It is a good idea to use the time away from your boyfriend to enhance your own personality. Sign up for a hobby or a short course which will not only fill up your empty evenings but help you to learn about new things too. In the process you will also be enlarging your own social circle so that you will no longer feel so lonely or miserable when your boyfriend makes excuses to avoid meeting up. The same goes for your physical appearance as well. If you have been neglecting your body recently, this is the perfect time to get that facial or manicure. Even if you do not like the idea of sprucing up yourself to attract his interest, think of it as a way to pamper yourself; if you feel good about yourself, others will feel the same about you too. Best of all, when your boyfriend meets you the next time, he will be quite surprised to discover a much-glowing personality and will surely want to spend more time in knowing the new you.

Examine your own attitude

If you have done your best to bring about positive changes and still find that your boyfriend ignores you, maybe it is time to examine your own attitude and actions. Perhaps you are overly critical of your boyfriend’s habits or expect him to conform to too high a standard. Such expectations on your part may be stressing out your boyfriend as a result of which he does not enjoy being around you. Also may be you are suffering from some kind of insecurity or inadequacy within yourself because of which you tend to put too much store by your partner’s company. All these negative vibes, however unintentional, may have caused your boyfriend to gradually pull away from you. If this is the case, you will need to overcome your inner impulses which are creating a field of repulsion. If you cannot resolve the issues on your own, discuss matters with a trusted friend or a counselor. Only when you are healthy and positive in your own self, will others be attracted to you.

Maybe he is cheating

When people begin to cheat, they naturally spend lesser time with their partners. However before you jump to this conclusion, see if your partner’s disinterest is accompanied by other symptoms of infidelity like unexplained absences, strange receipts and bills and surreptitious phone calls and cryptic messages. If this is so or your partner’s disinterest does not lessen despite your best efforts, the only way is to have a chat with him. Explain to him how you feel about the situation and how a lack of his company is making you feel neglected or abandoned. He may simply not be experienced in relationships or think that you are fine with how things are currently going. Alternatively he may be going through stressful issues of his own, perhaps related to job or his parents. If none of the above seem likely possibilities, ask him outright if he is seeing someone else. Knowing the truth will not make it easier for you to bear it, but it will surely signify a way out of the situation.