Why Wont he Commit - 10 Reasons Guys Don't Commit to Women
by kalyani10
One of the most common reasons why relationships with great potential go awry is unwillingness on the part of the guy to commit. The women may keep waiting for their partners to pop the question but the latter never seem to have the nerve to show up with a ring. Here are the ten most common reasons why guys fight shy of declaring their commitment to women.
- Things are great as they are
Don’t mend if it ain’t broken – a lot of men live by this maxim. So once a man gets into a comfortable equation with his girlfriend, he is unlikely to want to change it - especially if they have been living together. Consider all that he already enjoys – he gets sex whenever he wants, emotional support from a devoted girlfriend and perhaps a woman who makes him hot dinner. So why on earth should he incur the responsibilities that come with marriage or the legal and financial hassles in case of a divorce? However if you are keen to settle down, throw up some hints on where you would like this relationship to go and then wait for him to turn the matter over in his head.
- Wanting to date other women
Then there are people for whom life is all about enjoying its various flavors and the same goes for love too. Ideally marriage is about being faithful to your spouse for the rest of your married life but men who enjoy being with different women may have a problem with that. Your best bet here is to fill your relationship with varied and exciting romantic experiences so that your boyfriend knows it is possible to be in a fulfilling and exclusive relationship at the same time.
- Commitment phobia
Your boyfriend may adore you and be completely faithful but still break into a cold sweat at the thought of marriage. The fear of committing oneself is a personality trait and can affect both men and women. The only thing for you to do here is to find out if at all marriage or at least a committed relationship figures in your boyfriend’s plans for the future. If yes, then perhaps you can ask him to be a little more exact on when he would be ready to settle down. If no, then at least you know what the problem is and can decide whether to move on.
- Fears about change for the worse
Some men expect their partners would remain gentle, carefree and sexually responsive forever in the future. In reality, change is inevitable and more so when a girlfriend becomes a wife. Perhaps your boyfriend too dreads the prospect of change in you that might come with marriage and this could be keeping him from coming up with a proposal. Reality TV shows revealing new brides screaming over petty matters has not helped either. The only thing you can do to is to make use of stress-busting techniques whenever your relationship hits a rough patch and hope that your actions will vouch for the maturity of your personality.
- Money matters
There could be a far more practical reason why your boyfriend doesn’t want to seem to commit – lack of financial resources. Traditional gender roles have cast the man as the breadwinner and provider of the family. So if your boyfriend is in a new job, has to pay alimony/child support or still not earning what he feels would be sufficient to support a family, he may be hesitant to propose marriage. If this is so, appreciate his concerns and explain that your joint incomes may be enough for you both to live on comfortably. Or perhaps you could agree to wait another year till your boyfriend feels more confident of taking on the financial responsibilities of a marriage.
- Experiences make them cynical
It is natural for individuals getting over a messy breakup to become somewhat cynical and take time to want to commit again to a relationship. Perhaps your boyfriend too has been emotionally scarred by a bad divorce or breakup and needs a while to get back his emotional bearings. If so, there is little that you can do other than be supportive and give him enough time to get over his unhappy experience.
- Loss of independence
One of the greatest fears that men have of commitment is the prospect of losing their independence. He may be worried of losing his friends and having little time to pursue his interests once he is committed to you. The prospect of having to check with you every time before he decides to stay back for a beer with co-workers or invite his gang over to watch a game on the TV may seem unappealing to your partner. You can put his fears to rest by encouraging him to see his friends and follow his hobbies as he has done till now. Also allow him to have his own space – physical and emotional. So if he likes his desk to be cluttered, let it remain that way; just like you better avoid the temptation to cuddle up whenever you see him by himself.
- Hates a clinger
If you have been depending on your boyfriend to do every little thing for you, chances are that he is a bit overwhelmed by your neediness and fears that it will get worse with commitment. Learn to be responsible for your own happiness – go out with your friends more often or have an enjoyable time on your own. Stop seeking his help in things which you can well manage by yourself. All this will make you come across as an independent and mature woman and assure your boyfriend that you are ready for the challenges and responsibilities that come with a committed relationship.
- You’re not the one
Distressing as this sounds, it could be that your boyfriend is waiting for the right woman to come along. And clearly, you are not her. So if you know for sure that your man is simply biding his time till he thinks he has met the right person, maybe it is time you consider your own future.
- He does not know how to
Incredible though as it seem, it could be that your boyfriend simply does not know how to pop the question. He may not know how to make the actual proposal or be clueless on what he is supposed to say. Also he may worry about you finding the proposal too predictable, not unpredictable enough or a whole lot of things. Indeed, it is a big thing for a man to hold his heart out and wait for an answer, no matter how well he knows his partner or how long they have been together. So make it a little easier on your guy by holding him close and whispering into his ear that simple and sweet works best.
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