How to Fall Back in Love with your Spouse?

Remember the first time you met your spouse, the looks that you exchanged and things you said to each other? Love happened so naturally, almost on its own. But once you got married, all that somehow disappeared under the stress of daily living and the burden of expectations. So if you want to fall in love with your spouse all over again, here are a few things you can do.

Get your priorities right

Falling in love is easy the first time around. Once you recognize the spark between you and another person, things practically seem to fall in place on their own, without much effort from either side. However after years of emotional baggage in a marriage, it is unlikely you can fall back in love with your spouse automatically. So at the very outset, decide if this is really something you want and if so then be prepared to devote your time and effort towards making this work. If you imagine that you are simply going to be in a forgiving frame of mind, sit back and allow love to happen magically, you might be sorely disappointed. Love needs a lot of hard work, especially the second time around.

Get back with your ex with this step-by-step guide.

Remember

Go into flashback and try to think of all the things that attracted you to your spouse in the first place. Perhaps it was her keen mind which ranged through philosophy, politics, sports and music with equal ease. Or maybe it was his gentle and compassionate nature which made him buy a dozen copies so that the newspaper boy could go home instead of standing about in the rain. The exercise may seem rather inane at first – after all you are still living with the same person, so what is there to recall? But the sad fact is that spouses often forget the really nice things about each other under the day-to-day stresses of a marriage. Bringing back all the attractive qualities of your spouse will help you to see him/her in a new light and remind you why you chose this particular person as your life partner.



Get a new perspective

It is all too easy to fall into a blame game once you get caught up in the endless cycle of work, domestic chores and kids. For every little thing that goes wrong or doesn’t come off as expected, you tend to blame the only person at hand – your spouse. However remember that eventually all the negativity will destroy both you and the marriage. So once you have remembered all the good things about your spouse, focus on only those and take your mind away from the irritating or unhelpful things he/she does. It might not be easy when you find the trash bin still overflowing or the dishes not done despite several reminders, but think of what you have set out to do and focus on the fact that he/she went out in the snow to buy you an aspirin or offered to pick up the kids without your prompting.

Keep communicating

Lack of communication is another pitfall that couples who have been married for awhile seem to fall into. You may find that you no longer have anything nice and positive to say to each other and when you do speak, it is only about chores and things to do. Rather make an effort and get the channels of communication buzzing once again. You may start small by asking your spouse about his/her day and then go on to share what you did. Once you are comfortable talking to each other again, discuss future plans and life goals not only as a family but as a couple too. Even if your spouse is not immediately forthcoming, make sure he/she knows that you are around and that he/she can talk to you whenever possible.

Let go

Staying in love with your spouse throughout a marriage is difficult precisely because of the emotional baggage that tends to build up over the years . Past fights, accusations and the hurtful things you said and did to each other often become a barrier to reaching out with love and understanding. However if you do want to rediscover your feelings of love and passion for your spouse, you will have to let go of your resentment and pride. You may not want to at first, feeling that you are entitled to feel upset at all that your spouse may have said or done. But then you need to decide which is more important – holding on to your anger or bringing back love and romance into your marriage. In fact it will not even be easy if he/she keeps making mistakes, but when your spouse does something to irritate you, take a deep breath and let go. When you can’t do that, then walk away for a while to regain your composure but come back and keep trying.

Get intimate

Absence of physical intimacy is one of the most common complaints that married couples have. Unfortunately the problem often arises when two people cannot agree on how much and how often they should be making love or even what making love should consist of. Perhaps the first thing you need to do is make time for being intimate with your spouse. With dinner to prepare, the presentation to complete and the kids to put to bed, it is unlikely that sex will happen on its own. At the same time, don’t make physical intimacy as a chore to be done on the weekends along with vacuuming and the laundry. Rather touch each other, kiss and hug one another more often, every day. Once you begin to connect physically on a daily basis, you are sure to discover the same feelings for each other the first time you fell in love with your spouse.

After years of being out of practice, falling back in love with your spouse may not be easy. It will certainly take more hard work and time than the first time around. But the wonderful feeling that comes with rediscovering the person you married and reliving the emotions of love and passion that you once felt for him/her will be a far more meaningful experience than when you first fell in love.