When your Husband is Too Tired to have Sex

Juggling the demands of the workplace, raising kids and doing chores at home can tire out the most romantic of partners, so that eventually all he can think of is crashing for the night. If this is true of your husband and you realize that he is too stressed to make love to you, here are some things that you can keep in mind.

The physical aspect is the most obvious place to start with if you notice your husband too tired to have sex. He may be suffering from an underlying medical condition like hypertension, cardiac or hormonal problems which are often accompanied by symptoms like extreme exhaustion. The solution here is to help him to talk about it. Try to keep the channels of communication open so that he feels comfortable enough to discuss his condition with you and if necessary consult a physician.

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Adopt a healthy lifestyle

Sometimes your husband’s chronic exhaustion may be due to more prosaic factors like an unhealthy lifestyle. Ensure that your family eats a healthy diet based on fresh fruits, vegetables, whole grains and low-fat meats. Reduce your consumption of tinned, processed or very fatty foods. Encourage your husband to work out regularly or to practice stress-relieving routines like meditation or yoga. If he is a smoker, help him to quit or persuade him to cut down on his alcohol intake. Better still incorporate such changes as part of the family routine so that not only your husband is able to stick to healthy habits and feel more energized as a result, but your whole family can reap the benefits of a healthy lifestyle.

Don’t nag

Even as you introduce a healthier lifestyle in your home, a lot will depend on how to respond to your husband’s low libido caused by stress. One the most effective things to do are to quit nagging about his workload. Merely whining about how selfish it is of your partner to avoid you and how neglected you feel when he is nose deep in files will do nothing to solve the situation. Rather use an objective tone to point out what your partner has missed by working late or bringing back work from office. Or you could share you concern as your spouse’s perpetual exhaustion and the effect it is having on your relationship. Once you stop nagging and put things across in a calm and matter-of-fact manner, your husband might be more open to see your point and do something about his work-related stress.

Offer practical support

Apart from offering emotional support, it would mean a lot to your husband if you ease his pressures a bit. If your husband has been overburdened at work, it is possible that the condition is affecting his sexual desire too. Choking deadlines at work, a boss breathing down fire and uncooperative co-workers may be leaving him mentally and physically exhausted with the result that at the end of the day, he no longer wants to do anything but gulp down his dinner and crash for the night. Here again the best way you can help him is by offer your unflinching support. Try to take on some responsibilities at home until your husband has finished his work deadlines and can once again give you his attention. Mow the lawn yourself or hire the services of a neighborhood teen; explore the option of calling your grocery store for home-delivery instead of expecting your husband to get them. However if it is not a passing phase, look for ways to tell him that while he can be assured of your love  it is also important for you both to spend time together as a couple. A vacation even for a weekend usually works wonders to revive a flagging sex life and rejuvenate a marriage

Do things together

It may be that your husband’s exhaustion and resulting disinterest in sex is not beyond his control. Workaholics often feel a compulsion to be busy even when there is no need to do so from the employer or organization. If you recognize this tendency in your partner, try to find hobbies which will allow you to spend more time with your partner without the latter feeling that he is not doing anything and hence wasting time. It may be something as involved as remodeling the guest room or as simple as taking a brisk walk in the neighborhood park – as long as it is something you both enjoy. This is turn will help him realize what was missing and thus prepare the way for greater intimacy between you two.

Be clear about your priorities

If your husband is working too hard and getting tired in an attempt to give your family the comforts that he thinks they deserve, pause a moment and re-evaluate what you want most of all from life – material luxuries or a successful relationship. This is not to say that the two are mutually exclusive but that almost every combination will have a slant towards one side. Consider your priorities and decide what makes you happiest – being able to afford the latest home theater system or spending a romantic evening with your partner. Separate your wants from your needs so that your husband need not slave away the weekends; be comfortable with a smaller home if a larger mortgage is going to mean him signing up for out-of-town trips. Sooner or later you need to figure out what means most to you both and that will be the most important step towards achieving the right work-life balance.  

Consider other factors

In the end if you have done your best to revive your husband’s energy levels but he still complains of being too tired to have sex, you may need to consider other reasons why he could be consciously or unconsciously avoiding you. Reasons may range from waning interest in the marriage to bedroom boredom or even an affair. However before you jump to conclusions, you must have definite proof of your husband’s suspected infidelity If at all your suspicions are confirmed, you have to decide, either together or with the help of a therapist, whether you want to work towards saving your marriage or would prefer parting ways.

The human libido is influenced by a great many physical and psychological factors. There can be no single prescription for how much sex a couple should have to be fairly happy. On the other hand, therapists usually agree that a complete lack of interest in physical intimacy is often a symptom of underlying issues. The good news  however is that it is not something than cannot be resolved and with a little bit of patience and lots of love, you and your husband can go back to having a rollicking time between the sheets.