When your Girlfriend is Pregnant

A pregnancy is a life-changing experience at the best of times. But for a couple who is unprepared emotionally, physically and financially, it involves taking some very major decisions. So if your girlfriend announces out of the blue that she is pregnant, here are some ways you can go about it.

Keep calm

If this is an unplanned pregnancy, chances are that you have been caught by surprise, to put it rather mildly. Maybe you really care about her and feel responsible to do something about it. Or maybe you didn't really want to stay with her forever. Either way, this is a stressful situation and it is only natural for emotions to be running high. It is understandable for you to feel shocked, anxious and fearful since fathering a baby is a big deal. However it is essential that you remain calm, at least outwardly so. Freaking out over the announcement or blaming your girlfriend over what has happened will not only not make the pregnancy go away but in fact make finding a solution that much harder.

Show your support

If just the fact of your helping to create a new life has caused you so much tumult, imagine what the woman is going through who is actually bearing the baby. If there was ever a time to show love and understanding for your girlfriend, this is it. Start by actually listening to her since she probably needs to talk. Acknowledge her feelings and fears and let her know you care about what she's feeling. Admit that while there is no way you could possibly understand exactly what she's going through, you are there for her if she needs you. If necessary, go with her to talk to her parents. Assure her that you both are in this together – you are there for her and are a part of her pregnancy. Above all be patient and understanding since this is just as new to her as it is to you.

Be honest

Once you have had time to process the news of your girlfriend’s pregnancy and expressed your support, tell her honestly what you think and feel about the situation. Let her know your thoughts, ideas and opinions on the matter. This is not the time to say things simply to please her. Having and bringing up a baby involves major life changes and she needs to know where you are on the whole thing. Tell her what you can and cannot do – sugarcoating the bitter truth or making false promises will only make matters worse in the long run. Discuss your own financial and domestic situation frankly so that your girlfriend knows what to realistically expect from you.

Help her decide what to do

The most important aspect of the situation is deciding what to do about the pregnancy. Gone are the days when the only way of dealing with an out of wedlock pregnancy was to hurriedly walk down the aisle. These days various options are present before the couple; there are usually three ways of going about an unplanned pregnancy – abortion, adoption or parenting. Your girlfriend could terminate the pregnancy or she could go through with it and later give up the baby for adoption. Or you both could decide to be parents and bring the baby, together or separately. Thoroughly consider the pros and cons of each option and see what best suits both your physical, emotional, financial and family conditions. If need be talk to a trusted family member, but better still consult a trained counselor or tap into community resources to get an impartial view of all your options as well as the advantages and disadvantages of each.

Assist her in practical ways

No matter what path you opt for, be sure to provide hands-on assistance to your pregnant girlfriend. Make it a point to accompany your girlfriend to appointments, sonograms, pregnancy centers and prenatal care. Above all, be sensitive to her physical and emotional condition since her raging hormones may make her irritable or uncomfortable and tired.  Make sure she gets enough food and sleep as well as take on additional responsibilities and chores so that she is as relaxed as possible. See you can help financially and offer to pay for expenses, whether medical or domestic so that her health does not suffer. For whatever she needs, ensure that you are easily reachable, available and willing to do what needs doing.

Plan for the future

A pregnancy changes a relationship, especially if it is unexpected. Once you've decided how to deal with the pregnancy, plan for your future as well. For instance if you both are getting married take care of things like living arrangements and finances before the baby comes. On the other hand, if you have decided to become parents but without marriage, take into account issues like visitation rights, child support and so on. If you are heading for an abortion or adoption, consider what path your own relationship will take – whether you would continue to be a couple or move ahead in different ways.

Make your own plans

In the end, it is up to your girlfriend, whether she chooses to have a baby, give it up, or end the pregnancy. While you need to support her in her decision, you also have to make plans for yourself. Consider what you would like to do with your own life – pursue your career, take a break or acquire additional skills. While you need to do your duty by her, you also need to go ahead with your own life, pursue your goals and make the most of your potential so that there is minimum of regret later on.