Cougar Dating - Going on a Date with a Man When you Are Over 40

The implications and expectations from dating keep changing as time goes on. What was normal and expected when you went out with someone in your twenties is not likely to the same as when you date in your forties and later. Here are thus some tips on making the best of a date when you are over forty and a single woman.

Know what you want

Before you begin to date, you need to take stock of your life and where you are now. While you don’t have to get picky just because you are post-forty, it will not harm you to be clear about a few very important aspects of your life. Are you looking to get out of the house, meet new people and experience new things? Or, are you looking for a new companion to share your life with? Answer these questions honestly and you will be better able to find what you want.

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Make sure you are emotionally ready

Many women who comprise of the dating pool after forty are rejoining the scene the second time round – most commonly after a divorce but also maybe after the bereavement of a spouse. So make sure you are emotionally ready to move on. It's important to give yourself enough time to grieve your loss, even if you were the one who walked out of a relationship. Going on a rebound or using dating as a therapy will not only be unhelpful in the long run it will be patently unfair to your new date as well. So work your way through issues like guilt, shame, remorse and anger if they are left over from your previous relationships and go out on a date again only when you have resolved such feelings.

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Fix a date

Once you have sorted out your own feelings and priorities, it is time to focus in the mechanism of dating. It is usual to fix a date over the phone though you can also do it by emails or even in person for instance if you see each other in the workplace or take the same transport. Get the details of the day, time and venue of the date and exchange cell phone numbers in case you need to call your date in an emergency. Above all keep the phone call or chat brief since this is just about fixing the date and not exchanging life stories which you do later.

Dress appropriately

One of the consequences of the contemporary youth-driven culture is that notions of beauty and attractiveness are deeply entwined with being young; thus women over forty often succumb to the trap of aping the style and look of younger women in an attempt to look attractive. However it is best to dress appropriate to your age and leave torn jeans and miniskirts to the twenty-soemthings. Instead invest in high-quality, tailored suits and dresses.  Choose a personal style that will hide your defects and play up your assets. Go for a look that is classy and attractive instead of one that screams for attention. Make it a point to select a piece of expensive jewelry which will not only complement your outfit but make you appear a lady of fine tastes and resources.

Follow the basics of courteous behavior

This includes arriving on time or being ready if your date is picking you up from home. If are to be more than ten minutes late at the venue, be sure to call your date and let him know when you can make it approximately. After arriving, be on the lookout for the man you are meeting so you recognize him. Smile warmly and greet him so that things take off on a pleasant note. While ideally you should be sitting at right angles to your date, you can also choose a table that allows you to sit so that you are facing most of the people in the room. This will ensure that your date is less often distracted and you remain the focus of his attention. While ordering too, try to stick to things from the middle of the menu – items which are neither too cheap nor too expensive. It is conventional for the man to pay for the first date so even if you are a financially successful woman, let your date pick up the tab. However if you are going to another place for coffee or drinks, you can then offer to pay.

Watch your body language

Non-verbal methods of communication send a powerful signal about your feelings and interest in the person before you. Thus be sure to maintain eye contact with your date for a few seconds at a time and smile often. Many women who are dating after a long gap or going out with younger men fall prey to nerves which has all the makings of a disastrous date. So when on a date avoid doing things which display nervousness and anxiety like fidgeting with your purse, hair, cell phone, crossing and uncrossing your legs or simply moving about too much. If you don’t know what to do with your hands, just cup them together in your lap and keep them there when you are not eating.

The art of conversation

The purpose of a date is to get to know each other as potential partners and what better way to do this than by talking to each other. For this it is best you avoid places where you can't talk comfortably – while a noisy bar or nightclub may be ideal for teens and younger couples, you may find a restaurant, café or museum more suitable for interesting conversation. In fact don't rule out meeting for breakfast or lunch if it suits you both. Also on the first date, it is best to restrict the conversation to finding out more about each other. Ask your date about him, what he does for a living, what activities he is involved in and if he has children, ask him about them too. However keep the tone light and casual – don’t appear to be interrogating him, instead let the questions signal your interest. At the same time, strive for a balance in the conversation by telling him a bit about yourself too. However avoid whining about cheating exes or alimony issues. While it is natural for someone at your age to have her share of disastrous relationships, this is not the occasion to moan about your past.

Take it easy

Ideally for the first date, you should be leaving on your own – only when you come to know your date reasonably well, you can explore the possible of letting him drop you at your home or inviting him over for coffee. Even if the evening has gone superbly for you, resist the temptation of getting physically intimate too soon. Take your time to get to know each other first so that things develop naturally. On the other hand if the person's not right for any reason, thank him for a wonderful time but don’t feel compelled to make promises you can’t keep. Move on until you find someone who feels right.