Dating an ESTJ personality type

The ESTJ’s expertise for getting things done is well known and they bring the same drive and resourcefulness to their personal relationships as well. Thus ESTJs make dependable and clear-headed partners who are an asset to those near and dear to them. So if you are eager to make things work between you and your ESTJ date, here are a few tips to help you on the way.

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Respect their values

Like other personality types which are made up of the Thinking and Judging traits, ESTJs put great store by a value system based on order, duty and very often, hierarchy. More often than not, they are highly conscientious people and abide by rules as well as conventions. In fact ESTJs expect their partners, family and friends to live by the same lofty standards they do. So if you are keen to impress your ESTJ partner, make sure you display a sense of values in all aspects of your behavior- personal, social and professional. A person who lies to a boss or cheats a hard-working cabbie of his rightful fare is unlikely to come across as an ideal partner to an ESTJ.

Indulge their love of tradition

Once again because of the combined effect of their Thinking and Judging natures, ESTJs are likely to be staunch upholders of tradition. They respect hierarchy and have no problems with following convention as long as it gets results without offending their sense of values. In fact this love of tradition makes ESTJs enthusiastic followers of family rituals and community customs. As a result, homes run by an ESTJ partner are bound to have a great dinner spread during the holiday season and family celebrations like birthdays and wedding anniversaries are likely to be lavish affairs with lots of food, wine, family and friends. So If you want to indulge your ESTJ partner, bring him a batch of fresh, home-baked cookies or gift her a box of gourmet chocolates and expensive red roses on Valentine’s Day.

Allow for their need to organize

ESTJs are among the best organizers of all the sixteen Myers-Briggs personality types. This is because the Sensing aspect of their psychological makeup enables them to quickly take in all sensory data and facts of a situation while their Thinking and Judging natures allows them to organize all this information in the manner best suited to reach a solution. So either at work or at home, ESTJs are most suited to take charge of a project and also the most likely to see it satisfactorily completed. In the workplace, they would be first to volunteer and organize a team of workers on an important assignment while at home they would be most efficient at arranging parties or supervising the kids’ school project. So if you want to spend time with your ESTJ, think of activities which would cater to their love for organizing and supervising people. Volunteer at a community center or take time out to do a home-building/repairing project together.  Gardening and watching a game are other ways that ESTJs love to relax. However their keenness to take charge sometimes leads them to adopt an overbearing attitude which likes to be in control and has little use for ideas or suggestions contrary to theirs. in such situations if you take recourse to tears and tantrums and accuse your ESTJ partner of riding roughshod on your ‘feelings’, you will probably get nowhere. On the other hand, you will strike home by adopting a calm attitude and appealing to their sense of reason and logic to show how a thing can be done differently and yet have superior results.

Be social

Despite their preference for an orderly and structured way of life, ESTJs are highly gregarious people. While they would brook no slackness and incompetence at work or in serious matters, when socializing or among family and close friends, they are full of vivacity, humor and great fun to be with. ESTJs make particularly good hosts and their homes can be trusted to be filled with guests and friends every other weekend. So if you are keen to have a relationship with an ESTJ, you may need to share him/her with a large network of friends and family. Also for them, chilling out after a hard day’s work may mean sharing a drink among friends and co-workers instead of being alone at home and settling down with a book.

Encourage them to open up

The flip side of a highly organized and structured personality type is usually a tendency to be dismissive of the importance and validity of feelings. An ESTJ might not only be reluctant to express their own emotions but also unlikely to understand and respond to those of a partner. This inability sometimes makes ESTJs come off as impatient, cold-hearted and emotionally unavailable. Thus In order to have a healthy relationship you need to encourage them to open up more and assure them that expressing one’s feelings does not make them weak or needy.

Appreciate their commitment

The best part of a relationship with an ESTJ is that they make highly responsible and committed partners. Being acutely conscious of their duties, an ESTJ will stand by a partner or fulfill their family obligations in every way they can. By the same counter they value partners who appreciate loyalty and security in a relationship. So if you are more tuned to casual relationships or are uncomfortable with planning something too far into the future, an ESTJ might not be ready to trust you. On the other hand, if you do decide that your ESTJ guy or girl is the one for you, rarely will a relationship be as steadfast and supportive as this one.