Dating an ESFJ personality type

Warm-hearted, generous and conscientious, the ESFJ personality type is an asset to any close relationship. They are highly committed as family members and partners and often bring out the best in others. If you are interested in a relationship with an ESFJ, here are few things worth keeping in mind.

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Indulge their love for tradition

ESFJs are traditionalists at heart who put great store by conventions and the ways things have been done over time. So in the first stages of dating, you would do well to indulge your partner in time-honored traditions. Take out your ESFJ girlfriend to a dance at a swanky nightclub and then follow it up with a fancy dinner at an exclusive restaurant. To impress your ESFJ boyfriend on a date, turn out in stylish evening dress but which is neither too revealing nor too mundane. Over time show that you enjoy fulfilling the traditional roles in a relationship like baking cookies on weekends or taking responsibility for major expenses around the house. The ESFJ’s love for tradition is also reflected in their frequent hosting of friends and families. The holiday season or family occasions like wedding anniversaries are a perfect excuse for ESFJs to have huge groups of people over and indulge in traditional celebrations with lots of food, gifts and good cheer. So if you are keen for a long-term relationship with your ESFJ partner, remember that your house might become a gathering place for friends and family on a regular basis.

Come up with the best you can afford

The Sensing aspect of their personality makes ESFJs quick to pick up on sensory details and also makes them rather discriminating about the value of material things. So it would be a good idea not to turn up in your torn jeans or the faded sweat-shirt at least when you are in the initial stages of dating and are keen to make a good impression. Best of all, you can trust them to notice and appreciate any effort you may have put in getting your look together, like the solitaire on your tie-pin or the expensive perfume you are wearing on your date. The flip side of this tendency however is that sometimes they tend to put too much weight on appearances and the value on material things. They may also become overly conscious about status and the necessity of living by a certain economic standard. While this makes them great earners as well as managers of finances, sometimes it may also lead them to exercise a tight control on financial decisions.

Be patient

The result of the two aspects of Feeling and Judging in their personality type creates a curious tendency among ESFJs where they live by strict principles and values on one hand but are rather emotional and sentimental on the other. As a result, they are prone to seeing situations and people in black and white instead of examining motives and aspects in a logical manner. Problems arise when they expect their partners to live by the structured, orderly way of life that they do and the strict moral code that they follow. Their Judging natures can at times make them quite controlling and dictatorial. At the same time they are also quick to take any criticism of their behavior close to heart and get quite upset, especially if it is from someone close to them. Therefore in dealing with ESFJs you need to remember to temper any criticism with a lot of positive affirmation. Also don’t forget to assure them time and again about how loved they are and how important is their contribution to this relationship. This need for constant appreciations may get a tad monotonous so that at times they may even come off as emotionally needy, especially to partners who are more self-sufficient in their psychological makeup. However be patient with your ESFJ partner and remember that to them constant and positive feedback is like life-breath, without which they could feel neglected and unloved.

Be appreciative of their efforts

One of the great things about being in a relationship with an ESFJ is their commitment to make things work between you two. They are warm-hearted, generous and genuinely caring. In fact you can count on your ESFJ partner to think of ways and do all that which will keep your relationship fresh and mutually satisfying. In long-term relationships like marriage, this commitment is expressed in loving attention and care that an ESFJ spouse will lavish on the home and family. They can be trusted to take care of the mundane, routine responsibilities too and keep the home running on nicely-oiled wheels. For all these reason, ESFJs make great partner material, especially where long-term relationships are concerned. In return for all this, they just want to be appreciated for who they are and what they do for the relationship. So if you are thinking on the lines of a future with your ESFJ partner, you now know how to hold onto them.

Be supportive in sexual matters

The nurturing and giving natures of ESFJs makes them considerate and supportive lovers in intimate situations too. They see sex as a way of expressing their love and affection towards their partners and are rarely demanding or selfish. The bent for tradition however among ESFJs makes them sometimes hesitant to try out new things but once you approach them with love and assurance they are sure to feel confident of going along with your wishes. This is because their Feeling nature makes them eager to please their partners and will thus willingly take the initiative to make you happy.

On the whole ESFJs are dependable and caring partners who like harmony and security in a relationship. They mostly avoid casual affairs and are on the look-out for a soul-mate whom they can spend their life with.