Dating an ENFJ partner

Supportive, empathetic and responsible, the ENFJ is known to have all the makings of an idealist leader. However if you are close to a guy or girl of this personality type, you will find them bringing the same qualities of warmth, generosity and insight in a personal relationship too. Here are a few points to remember when dating an ENFJ partner.

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Learn to live with their large social circle

ENFJs are famous for being a ‘people’s person’. The presence of Intuitive and Feeling aspects in their personality make ENFJs see the best in others and try to help others to live up to their full potential. They are able to do all this by their excellent people skills which not only include a deep insight into the motivations, feelings and potentials of others but also their dexterity in communication. ENFJs are quickly able to make people around them feel at ease and then help them to express their emotions, thoughts and plans. The consequence of all these tendencies is that ENFJs are likely to have a large circle of friends, family, acquaintances from work and other places like the gym or the library. If you are an introvert or uncomfortable among too many people, you might have difficulty in understanding your partner’s gregarious nature. However remember that he/she comes across to others as a warm, friendly human being and it is in your partner’s nature to make people happy to be around her/him.

Have patience

ENFJs bring a lot of effort and energy into their relationships. In fact to large extent, they define themselves according to the closeness and authenticity of their personal attachments. As a result, ESFJs are highly invested in the business of relationships and will go to a great extent to please their partners. So you can trust your ENFJ partner to put a great deal of thought into and scour several places before coming up with the right birthday gift for you. However this excessive emotional investment in a relationship may often become overwhelming so that their partner may feel smothered at times by too much attention or repeated questions of what how they are feeling and what they are thinking. At such times, you need to have patience with your ENFJ mate and realize that the health and mutual satisfaction of a close relationship is an important source of self-validation for them.

Indulge their interests

A major reason why ENFJs are so tuned to people and relationships is because of their excellent communication skills. The combination of the Intuitive and Feeling aspects into their personality makes them not only adept at expressing their own thoughts and feelings but also very good at gauging what motivates and pleases other people. In fact you may find your ENFJ partner often talking about other people in their lives and sharing their insights about people, their emotions and motivations. So when dating an ENFJ, try to think of activities in which she can indulge their verbal dexterity and inter-personal skills. Catching a play by an amateur theatrical group or attending writers’ workshop could be enjoyable ways to spend an evening with your ENFJ partner. Even story-telling session for kids at your neighborhood library or a visit to the arts museum could be a pleasant way to pass time for you both together. Among other hobbies which are known to interest ENFJs are listening to music, gourmet cooking and organizing social events.

Take care while passing criticism

One problem area in a relationship with ENFJs is their extreme sensitivity to criticism. They are apt to take any remark about their performance or appearance very personally and can become highly emotional and even quite harsh when their feelings are hurt. So when you feel you need to discuss an issue, take care to avoid an accusatory stance. Make your observation as impersonal as possible and above all, have several possible solutions ready so that your ENFJ partner does not feel that the purpose of discussing an issue is to launch a personal attack on them.

Give them lots of affirmation

Again ENFJs are highly sensitive to any evidence of discord or unhappiness. They get extremely stressed under conflict situations and have been often known rush into an immediate solution rather than examining the problem from all angles and calmly deciding on the best course of action. Under such circumstances, you need to assure your ENFJ partner or your love and support so that the two of you can resolve issues together. Sometimes their need for constant affirmation may come across as a symptom of emotional neediness. But then try to remember that ENFJs thrive best under pleasant and harmonious conditions and one important way in which they go about seeking this is by receiving constant and meaningful affirmation from their partners.

Like other personality types based on Intuition and Feeling, ENFJs bring a lot of warmth and nurturing into physical intimacy. Sex for them is yet another way they can express their love and affection for their partner. However the Judging aspect of their personality and their partiality to following schedules might make intimacy part of a routine for them as a result of which lovemaking might get monotonous and predictable. But once you reveal the delight of spontaneity to them, their innate desire to please and be of service is sure to set things right between the two of you.

Overall, ENFJs make for highly committed and nurturing relationships which are especially great if you are looking for a long-term partnership rather than a casual affair.